Ask Womanatics: How to Overcome A Bad Phase?

Hello, Surabhi,

I am going through a rough phase of my life. I am struggling to get a good job and trying hard for it. But my friends who don’t even interested in jobs getting jobs and good salary. I always believe GOD more than destiny or luck. I have never hurt anyone knowingly or unknowingly. I had faith in God that he never make mistakes and he always think good for his devotees. But now I don’t have any faith on him. I only want to ask does god exists? And who decides one’s fate “GOD” or “LUCK”…

I hope I have explained my thoughts well. Hope to hear from you soon!

Dear Reader, 

I understand many a times we dont get what we desire or need at the moment but this does not mean we stop asking for it. I have had such times too in the past but what I have learnt is that it is just a storm that, when passed, brings lot of peace and clarity. You are going through the same storm. Don't make this passage more difficult for yourself by developing negative thoughts. 

God always takes care of his children. He loves you too. He is simply taking your test at the moment. If you show distrust in him in such times, won't be he disappointed by you? Stay strong and have faith in him. Faith, when questioned, is not faith. So keep up your belief. 

Job and career though form a very important part of life, but job in a particular time frame or in a particular company form a very small and tiny part of life. 10 years down the line you may not even remember this. Job is a mean to feel empowered. Your job gives you that freedom and strength. You should be thankful for that. 

Appreciate the good things. Discard the bad ones. 

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Awesome Advice From World's Oldest Living Couple

I just came across this article while surfing and I immediately knew I had to share it with you all here.

Herbert and Zelmyra are the world's oldest living couple and they have been happily married for 85 magnificent years.

Herbert and Zelmyra married for 85 yrs!

Couples like these not only make the world a better place but also re-establish the faith in true love, marriage and companionship.

Here is an excerpt from the article.

Meet Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of North Carolina. They have been married 85 years (86 in May) and hold the Guinness World Record for the longest marriage of a living couple and get this…. Zelmyra is 101 years old and Herbert is 104.

The happily married couple teamed up with twitter this Valentine’s Day to answer some relationship questions. Check out their take on finding love, getting through hard times and more. Good read.

1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?

H & Z: With each day that passed, our relationship was more solid and secure.Divorce was NEVER an option – or even a thought.

2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?

We grew up together & were best friends before we married. A friend is for life – our marriage has lasted a lifetime

You can read the full article here.

Pic source

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Ask Womanatics: What to do if kundlis don't match

A reader asks,

Hi Surabhi Di

I'm regular on your blog, find it pretty good and read each and every story. Earlier on I was a bit shy about writing about my story but after reading so many stories, I decided to share mine. I'm in a relationship with a guy from last 2 years and we do fights a lot but love each other like anything too, even our families know everything about us but my father is having issues about our marriage because our Birth Charts (Kundli) doesn't match as per our Astrologer. But frankly I don't care about this, as I know his family and relatives and know him from 2 years, no doubt we fight with each other a lot but I guess m sure about him to marry him. But yet my father is making me confuse about him because of these Kundlis. So my question is, how we come to know that He is the only one ? or He is the one whom I can spend my whole life with ? 

P.S. : I simply love your blog and the stories too and even got inspired, so please keep sharing and updating it !!Thanks

Dear Reader,

Good to know you have found love in your life. 

I don't believe in kundlis either but I generally look at them from a scientific point of view. Try to ask in detail what the astrologer means when he says the kundlis don't match. It is helpful to know the differences. If the pandit says it is because you both are egoists etc.. then you may try to work on these from now onwards. Don't decide your marriage on kundli but instead take help from it to improve it. If you are sure about this guy, go ahead. You can convince your dad. 

I think the real problem is not kundli. It is your father's non-agreement to this guy. 

In such cases, I always advise the people involved to pause for a while and see if they really want to go ahead with their decision. You should give more time to your father to understand him. Try to talk to your father and ask him if it is 'really' about kundlis and not about the boy. In many cases, parents try to take the cover of things that can't be changed such as caste, kundli, family background etc. 

At the same time, you should also do a self introspection and ask yourself if you are fully convinced that he is the one. If you are very sure of your feelings for him and his feelings for you, then that is all should matter and nothing else. 

I am a manglik (a special kundli condition) and since childhood I have been hearing that I should get married only to another manglik. While I used it against many guys, whom I didn't like. For ex. if a proposal came my way when I was not convinced to marry him, I would make the excuse of kundli. But when Sanjay came along, kundli was the last thing on my mind. I knew he was THE ONE. 

Such is the certainty and it does not come often. It comes once in a lifetime.

Below articles may help you in finding out if he is the one.

The Truth about the one

How to find true love

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Must Read Articles For The Weekend

Here is your list of must read articles. 

1. A haunting picture from the Bangladesh building collapse

The picture shows how some people don't leave their partner even in death. 

2. Racism at White House Correspondent's Dinner

A crisp, beautifully written piece that will shatter many of your expectations. We tend to believe that racism stops after you reach a certain level but this will show you that few things never cease to grow.

3. India's missing daughters

Another shocking piece. I cling to my daughter each time I think of it.

4. Surviving the suicide of boyfriend of 11 years

We sometimes take people for granted when they are near us but when they go away we realize what we have missed. Read this post.

5. Indoor plants that make the air cleaner

Plants that keep your house toxin free. I am going to keep them in my house as many of them as possible.

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True Story: How True Love Chose Me!

Hey All,

Today's true love story comes from an amazing girl who is a friend of mine. A typical obedient, intelligent and studious girl, she never thought she would go against her parents and then one day, when she found her true love, she decided to fight for it. Read on how Kimi found her love in life. She is now happily married, gave up her job and spends time with her cute son.

Love - Is it worth fighting for? 

Love - whenever I think about it, I can only see the huge change in my perspective towards it as I went through various phases of my life. And, after going through this whole journey till now, I can only say that whosoever wrote the lines - "Everything is fair in Love and War", must have been a genius in true sense.

My story goes on in a very normal way. I was born and brought up in a simple middle class orthodox Indian Hindu family and like most of the families belonging to this category; I was destined to get married to the groom chosen by my parents. It was something that I used to take for granted. In fact, now when I think of my views about love in my growing years, I find them quite funny. As a kid, and even as a teenager, I used to think of love to be something that belongs to the books and movies. I could never fathom anything like "Romance" or "Love marriage" or all the "Romeo Juliet" stuff to happen in the real world. They were always fantasies for me. 

Even in my adolescence, I had just one crush on a guy I never ever talked to, and it lasted for just 3 months. After that I was busy growing up as super geek girl; someone no guy would ever look at. I was fat, never paid attention to how I looked, hardly combed my hair for 2-3 days. To save my time and energy, I used to put lots of oil in my hair and tie them in two tight knots - you can imagine what a nightmare I might have looked like!

I grew up quite well, topper of everything, got a decent job, went to New York and stayed there for 1 year and then came back to get married to a guy chosen by my dad. Everything was going just fine and as per plan. However, just one month before my marriage, every thing changed!

One of my friends always used to tell me, it is always "Love" that chooses you, and not otherwise. That is why we say people "Fall in love", because it is just as effortless as free-falling. What I think is that you must have a place with good suspension to fall on to; otherwise the harsh surface of real life can definitely knock you out! 

Anyways, so coming back to my story, I met a guy casually whom I'd known since childhood but never met or talked to. I knew he was a Christian and my marriage was supposed to be fixed with another Hindu guy of our own caste. I knew that no matter what, this amazingly handsome guy can never fall for me; I knew my family would never ever accept this. ..yet without knowing, without planning, without thinking anything, we both fell in love with each other. It was as if we were hit by Cupid’s bow or something, because he proposed to me just 6 days after meeting me. 

We told our families about the same, and there it was like the explosion of a hydrogen bomb. The thing that surprised me most was my attitude towards the entire thing. I had always been a timid, momma's girl all my life. But, my reactions towards all the harsh words and heart breaking talks with my parents, was surprisingly very strong. I was adamant on my decision, and I did everything possible to convince them, despite their spiteful attitude towards me. It took whole 2 years to pacify them and make them accept my decision. 

By the end of 2 years, I was totally exhausted with all the fight, yet elated at the success of my love. It was definitely a war, though just verbal one. I can only say, I was lucky enough to have such family that accepted my love and my happiness, even though it took some time. And I stay utterly thankful to the love of my life, who is my husband now for all his support and love to me. He has been my best friend and guardian throughout the whole journey and our bond continues to go strong with each passing day. Just the words “Thank you” fail to express my gratitude for everything!

I feel that life is all about making choices, and you must make them very carefully. But, if there is a choice in life worth fighting for, go for it.  There were times when I was quite uncertain about my life and choices, as there was no one I could ask if I was right or not. 

What I did then?

I just followed my heart. If your heart agrees to your mind, then simply go for it!  

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?

Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free.

Let yourself be drawn by the stronger pull of that which you truly love.”

~ Rumi

NOTE: This post is contributed by Kimi who runs a lovely beauty blog, Beauty Diaries and you can read her story in detail here. 

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