Women's Day: A Salute To Indian Women Role Models

Today is international women's day. Though we do not need a day to celebrate the undying spirit of women but since a day has been declared so I wish you all a very happy Women's Day. May the day strengthen your belief in yourself and may it helps you in dreaming, exploring and discovering. 

With the first episode of Satyamev Jayate that threw some more light on the heinous crime called rape, with the crime itself prevalent all around, with the ever deteriorating state of women in the world and particularly in India, it seems natural to believe that we, the women, are not going anywhere. We are still where we were decades ago. 

(source: desicomments.com)

But this is not true. While we still have a long way to go, we have come very far. It has been a long, tenacious path that we traversed since 1910 when the first conference held in Copenhagen where women demanded suffrage - the right to vote! 

I'd like to draw your attention towards something important here. We may believe that India ranks much lower in women's safety and it is true but India was one of the first countries to grant the right to vote right after its birth. 

India attained its own constitution in 1950 and in the same year Indian constitution granted the right to vote to men and women alike. 

Indian policies on child care and maternity leave are some of the finest policies in the world. We may not see them implemented because these are not forced upon the private companies but in government (especially central government) jobs, a woman avails not only fully paid maternity leave but also 2 year child care leave and that too with full payment. Since as per law these are not enforced on private employers and thus we see women complaining about work and home balance but on slight scrutiny, we may find that Indian government jobs are the best jobs for women for they provide not just the job security and decent pay but also such leave benefits. 

The extortion and exploitation that we see in society is not at the hands of the government but by the society itself which consists of people like us - you and me. We are the ones who make stereotypes. We create images of people and expect them to behave that way. 

It is us who watch those soaps and make them popular and then expect our bahus to take care of our homes well while working. We judge women on their looks, bodies and status. 

Living in such a biased society that just needs a silly reason to discriminate against people, it surely does take more than grit and hard work to come up and make a way for yourself. But like I said, a woman is known for her undying spirit. So here are my role models who have taught me how anyone, man or woman, can achieve what he or she aims for, despite hurdles, pushes and criticism. 

Mary Kom (source: mid-day.com)

 1. MaryKom and Saina Nehwal - Who would have thought that from states like Manipur which has military invasion and Haryana where Khap Panchayats rule, we would get two of our star performers. Not just these women surpassed the social obstructions, they made a career in sports which were thought to be men's sports. A mother of two (she gave birth to her third son in 2013), Mary faced all the challenges one can imagine. Hailing from a middle class family, she not only worked outside with her mom as a child but also took care of her younger sisters at home. She developed interest in sports and decided to pursue it which was not an easy task. Her dad once scolded her when he saw her photo winning a trophy in a newspaper but this did not stop Mary. In 2008, after a maternity leave break of 2 years, she returned to boxing and won a Gold medal. Similarly, Saina had to balance her passion for badminton and her studies. In an age when kids cozily sleep till 8 under a blanket, Saina used to be at the stadium at 5 am each morning. 

2. Bachendri Pal - Born in a village in Uttarkashi, Bachendri Pal became the first woman to climb Mt. Everest in 1984. Her background can be understood from the fact that she was the first girl to graduate from her village. She created history and gave the rest of the women clan a role model. When asked how she felt when she first saw Mt. Everest after flying down to Kathmandu, Nepal, Bachendri replied, 'I am from hills and we worship mountains. Hence when I saw Mt. Everest, I felt devotional. It all felt divine.' Undoubtedly, it was this devotion that took her to heights. 

3. Sunidhi Chauhan - Indian music industry was dominated by established playback singers when Sunidhi made an entry. Her shrill voice was touted as 'monotonous and high pitch' but that didn't deter this non-filmy background and middle class woman to make a mark. She rose to fame by participating in and wining a talent hunt show called 'Meri Aawaz Suno' and from there her journey started. Her entry in Bollywood as a play back singer marked the beginning of so many fresh voices in the industry. 

Bharti Singh (source: mid-day.com)

4. Bharti Singh - The famous stand up comedian who was popularly known as Lalli has an emotional tale to tell. She hails from a middle class family and was a national level pistol shooting and archery champion but she had to give it up as her family couldn't afford it. Despite her obese body, she made a mark for herself and now she has become India's first woman stand up comedian and she is indeed good at it. 

Indra Nooyi (source - theguardian.com)

5. Indra Nooyi - She is the living example of how a woman can excel anywhere, even in the most competitive corporate FMCG sector. Indra holds degrees from not one but two elite colleges and represents today's modern women who know how to run business, successfully. Not just one of the longest running CEOs of Pepsi Co, she is also one the most successful CEOs of the company and the likes. During her tenure as the CFO, company's revenues increased by whopping 72%!! What more proof do we need to believe that women are truly gifted. 

Not just the women above, there are countless other women who have proved their mettle and have come up as role models. These are women who inspire us, who tell us that we can achieve our true potential if we believe in ourselves. 

I'd love to hear from you. Is there a woman in your life who inspires you? Share her story with me. 

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The Biggest Mistake We Make In Love

First and foremost, I must apologise for my sudden and long hiatus from the blog. It just happened and my travel made it hard for me to post here regularly. I thought I would update it when I reach Delhi but that never happened. Delhi was way more hectic, busy and crazier than I had imagined. I am back in Andamans now (for one more month) and so back on the blog too! 

However, being away from the blog does not mean I am away from my readers. In the last two months, I got several emails from readers and while I would answer them in detail on the blog in Ask Womanatics section, I thought of doing a post on the one mistake around which their questions revolved. 

Love is the easiest thing to do and which is why it is so damn easy to fall in love. And it is quite mystifying in nature. Remember how once you are in love, you forget everything else but love itself? 

Now, here is the question. If love is so easy, why is life so difficult? Why do relationships seem complicated and particularly the ones that involve love, which apparently means almost all relationships!?

'Hi Surabhi, my problem is that I can't forget him. Every night I cry thinking how much I loved him and he left me for no reason.. I have my exams next month but I can't concentrate on my studies..'

'Why did God this to me? I loved him with true heart. I do not enjoy my job. I also get angry on my kids and that hurts me more.. they have no role to play in this and still they are being punished..'

'Surabhi, please help me. What should I do? My parents want me to re-marry but I can't marry anyone else now. I still miss him.. but I also can't see my parents in grief. They worry about me and I worry about them..'

The above are just some of the many questions that I got from readers. Do you find something common in them? 

I do. 

Not just these tender hearts who shared their problems with me, but we all, at one time or another, make this stupid mistake in love. The mistake which turns the easiest love into the toughest love in no time. It is stupid because while we all know we shouldn't be doing it but we still do it. 

When we are love, we are madly in love. We are crazily in love forgetting everything and everyone else and focussing all our energy and emotions on the person we are in love with. 

There is nothing wrong with being deeply and passionately in love with someone. Love is the purpose of life. It is the ultimate source of happiness. Numerous scholars and philosophers  stamped the importance of love in life and how love makes world a better place. Love is God's message and it is the best feeling in the world. 

What's wrong is how we behave when we are in love! 

There is nothing wrong if it is only your boyfriend or husband who you think of each morning. It is perfectly alright to call him up first to share any piece of news. Taking good care of him is also quite commendable. What is not desirable is to not call anyone else after you call him up and talk to him. What makes matters worse is to remain sad for the entire day if he didn't answer your first call in the morning. 

You are his wife (or girlfriend) so behave like one. Don't be his pet who lingers around him for no good reason and then become dependent upon his pat. 

We women are emotional beings. We are more emotional and tender than men and there is no denying to this. I don't consider emotions as a weakness. It is good to be emotional. It is wise to be expressive and it is wonderful to understand one's and others' emotions. But life does not end here. There is much more to life than these emotions. There are emotions of your siblings who want to spend good time with you. You need to think of your kids' emotions too who just want to see you smiling at them. Your inner self also has some unsaid emotions that reflect in your deep rooted ambitions of becoming a painter, singer, dancer or a writer! 

Converging all your attention on one single person means you have taken away your focus from other pillars of life - and this is what accounts for the biggest mistake in love. 

It is natural to make your husband the most important person of life but it is foolish to make him the only important person is life and to make him more important than your own self. 

You can't love anyone unless you love yourself. So, if your love means making frequent calls to the loved one, then you should make frequent calls to your own self too. If you happen to a possessive person when in love, then first be possessive of yourself as well and don't let yourself go unworthy. 

• Your husband (or boyfriend) maybe your best friend and that is a lovely news. But do not ignore other friends. Spend good time with your friends regularly. 

• If you have a hobby, DO NOT let it go waste just because you now have a new hobby of loving and thinking about your man. While the latter is indeed euphoric, the previous one is invigoratingly relaxing. If you do not have a hobby, develop one, right now! 

• Be sincere in your duties, whatever they are. If you are working, do it mindfully. If you are a mom, love your kids without any distractions. If you are lonely and alone, make the best use of that time by meditating. Whatever you do, do it with diligence and sincerity. 

• Love is easy. Keep it that way. Do not complicate things because you have not anything else interesting to do right now. 

• Be positive. Wear a smile. Love is just one of the many pillars our life is built upon. If one pillar falls down, we need to give extra strength to the rest to lift life up. 

Love is indeed beautiful. I am an ardent believer in love. I also made these mistakes and suffered heart ache for no good reason. Only after few years of soaking in grief and helplessness I learnt that love is what we make of it. 

Make it your strength or your weakness. It depends upon you! 

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Happy New Year!

Wishing all the readers a very happy new year!

I wish you all a very joyous, prosperous, exciting yet peaceful new year. May the coming year bring you lots of happiness, love from loved ones, freedom from stress and blessings from the elders.

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Sponsored Video: UNICEF’s Community Approaches to Total Sanitation (CATS) programme

Apart from food, clothing and shelter, proper sanitation is human being's basic necessity. Remember how we whine about lack of clean toilets at public spaces or how we grumble about stinking toilets at most bus stands?

If we carp about lack of clean, tidy toilets at public spaces, we should definitely also think about those 2.5 Billion people across the world, who do not have access to proper sanitation! This inaccessibility to safe toilets and proper sanitation claims over 2000 lives of children every single day who die of diarrhoea. This happens when UN has declared proper sanitation as a basic human right!

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Story of Stubble!

On one random day, someone asked, 'Why don't Gods, except Brahma ji,  have moustache and beards?'

This question got me thinking and I wondered, why villains are mostly either stubbled or bearded!  Why a chocolaty hero is always cute without stubble! and why defence forces have made a clean shave face a mandate! Why does every groom (Indian particularly) get clean shaved on his wedding day?! 

While I wondered these, my best friend confided in me.

"I like him. He loves me. But I just feel he is not clean. You know what I mean? He is never clean shaved except once for a official client meeting and he looked so handsome then!"

The poem below tells her tale with just a few twists and twirls.

He loved her, she liked him too,

He brought her flowers one day, 

Red, yellow and blue.

She hushed and blushed,

as he proposed,

He handed her the flowers

while she happily posed.

Then she imagined, 

what it would be like,

to kiss this man,

whose beard was tiny spike.

It meant dirty, 

villainous and unclean,

she had dreamt of a man, 

who knew how to preen.

'I wish he was clean shaved'

without moustache and stubble

He would have looked so great,

not tired and dull.

This is what true love is, 

when you read what eyes convey,

The boy understood what she meant,

and promised her to come back again another day.

Next day he was there again,

this time with a red rose,

'I love you darling'

he uttered with calm and compose.

She looked at him, 

he was neat and smart.

His clean shaven look bowled her over,

along with his big heart. 

Married they are now,

happy and gay,

she likes his clean face,

so he shaves every day! 

Note: This post is a part of the Protest Against Smelly Stubble Activity in association with BlogAdda.

(The cartoons are drawn by me :D)

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When A Nightmare Is Just Averted..

Have you ever been in a situation where you know you in a trouble and you have to wait for 12 hours or so to see if you can come out of it? A situation where it is not you but your most loved one who is in trouble? Has it happened to you when someone else does something and you hold yourself responsible for it relentlessly? 

I lived it couple of days back! And I can't explain what a traumatic situation it was! 

As many of you already know that I am doing my MA in Psychology from IGNOU and I have my second year exams in late third week of December. So this Saturday I was lazily lying on the bed and reading my psychology stuff on laptop while Pahal was sitting right next to me on the bed watching her favorite cartoon show on the TV. 

Suddenly out of the blues, Pahal exclaims 'mumma.. see it went inside my stomach!' I thought I didnt hear her clearly so I looked at her and pat she said it again, 'mumma see it is here inside my stomach', pointing to her petite stomach. 

I couldn't understand her so asked, 'what went inside?' 

'A green color button'

'Button? How come?'

'I ate it just now!'

'But where did you find the button from?'

'I found it from there', she replied pointing towards the pile of her other tiny bit toys lying around on the floor. 

'But there was no button in there?' I generally make sure that no micro things like pins, buttons etc lie anywhere around Pahal. I was kind of sure that there was no button around. 

'It was here mumma. It was a green color button'

'How did you eat it?'

'With my teeth. See I have so many white teeth.. see..', she said as she opened her mouth wide and pointed to her tiny pearls. 

I looked into her mouth and saw absolutely no trace of any button or any green color. And then I looked at the cartoon where two characters were arguing with each other over a small eatable. 

I got my answer. Pahal didn't eat any button. 

1. She does not put anything in her mouth. Nothing at all. 

2. She was right there with me on the bed and I didnt notice any green colo button anywhere

3. She was busy watching cartoon and thus I was sure that she had imagined eating the button

In this whole self-analysis process, I had completely forgotten that button can just not only be eaten, it can also be swallowed! 

The green button that Pahal had swallowed

Also, I had forgotten that when Pahal first told me that something had gone inside her stomach, I had woken up from my reverie which means that while I sat next to her, I was almost oblivious to her presence. 

Still I made her cough once and she coughed clearly. I called up Sanjay and told him everything and he calmly replied 'now, lets wait for her to poop.'

I made Pahal drink a glass of coconut water so that her wind pipe and food pipe clear out and then as time passed and she behaved normal, I began to forget about it. In the evening, on Sanjay's return we talked about it. 

Pahal's dad was firm that she had swallowed something for sure as she never says anything bizarre but I was kind of relaxed that she didn't. I had read a post on Swapna's blog where her daughter also claimed she had taken a pin inside but she actually hadn't. 

In the meantime, Sanjay continuously maintained that his daughter had indeed swallowed something and I was just laughing at his sillyness for laying so much thrust on a 3 yr old's statement. 

Finally next morning, as Pahal pooped, a small green colored button appeared. Right from her tiny stomach that she claimed the button went into. 

That small green button proved me wrong! It proved Pahal right. And it indeed proved Sanjay right in believing and placing so much trust in his daughter's blabbering. 

With the green button lying in that yellow colored shit, I exhaled a breathe of relief that if something went inside her, it had come out on its own. But the button also brought few revelations and questions for me. 

After seeing the button, I was relieved in a way but was also tensed for another. Does this signal that I need to monitor my ways of parenting? Does this mean I am not being a good, watchful mother? 

I spent many hours in blaming myself for this nightmare that luckily got averted. I realized that right now, till my daughters turns 8 or so, my main responsibility lies in knowing her, in understanding her. 

I compared myself with Sanjay and found myself so belittled and stupid. He, who spends half of the time with Pahal as compared to me, knows her much better than me. 

He loves her immensely and truly for he trusts her more unlike me. I had the over confidence in myself that led me to brush off her statement but he, despite all odds, continued to believe that if his daughter, once in 3.5 yrs, said she had eaten something means she had actually eaten something. 

This might seem a very trivial incident that we may just guffaw about but for me this is a big lesson of motherhood. 

I have learnt to not just listen to my instincts more mindfully but to listen to my child's instincts as well. 

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WE and AAP...The People of India

Note: This timely post comes from a friend and a reader, Shilpi Tyagi, a young girl who feels so strongly for her country from thousand of miles away. 

I was thinking why I was feeling so much for AAP. I had least interest in politics. I used to hate those moments when my dad browsed through news channels for political updates but today I am awake at 2 am to watch the results of Delhi elections. 

I am awake till 2 am because I want to see how the people of India support the small gamut of people who take it upon themselves to change the system - a task that seems no less than moving a mountain. 

I would call Arvind Kejriwal's decision to enter politics as emotional. I have a feeling that I can strongly relate to what he must have felt when he started all of this. 

When he started it, he underwent a trigger, a sudden surge of fire and a rock hard determination that he would bring a change, no matter what. 

I feel that all of us would have felt this emotion, this fire within us sometime or the other but we all are well trained in nipping it into the bud thinking what can I, only I, do? A drop doesn't count in an ocean, anyway! 

I would not talk for a bigger platform but would confine it to our day to day routine. I have also faced and won the miniature versions of similar battles in my professional and personal life. People call me introvert. They believe I am tight lipped though I dont accept it because I know that I am not an introvert, I am a sensible talker, who talks only when required, or atleast I like to think of it this way :)

But one question that I am unable to find an answer to is - there are people who are still against AAP. The people who voted for other parties. I wonder what makes them do that! 

Are there really any reasons or is it just the pre conceived notion that no one can really do anything good for us...that too without being asked to? 

I viewed a millions of interviews of APP workers, other parties and other common man but cud not find any reason to be against AAP.

I believe that if I were in their shoes, I would have answered all the questions in the same manner and spirit as these people are answering, with all honesty.

But then I tell myself that there are people of all kinds in the country. People who strive for change, people who thrive on change and then the one who are scared of change. 

Whatever it is, at the moment, I am just too happy for AAP's win and this has only made me stronger as a human being, for I now confirm that if there is one thing permanent in the world, it is change. 

Are you happy to see AAP coming up as a viable option for a political party? 

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