| Make your husband fall in love with you |
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin
Indian actor Aamir Khan said in an interview that when he read the script of Dhobhi Ghaat, he fell in love all over again with his wife Kiran.
We all fall in love with our spouse.. time and again. I fell in love with my husband, and it seemed like another beginning, when learned about his struggles and his story of hard work, rage and innocent love. Similarly, my husband claims he has fallen in love with me multiple times.
I spoke to several couples and all of them claimed that practically, it is possible to regain the lost trust, re-ignite the passion and re-love the same person you thought you would never be able to again come close to.
Ego clashes, minor arguments, conflicting opinions, dominating personality traits are just some of the many causes that result in a marriage drifting apart. Many a times, we have an image of a person or a relation and when things turn out to be even slightly different, we feel betrayed and cheated. In the beginning of any relationship, we become so indulged and engaged that we move away from reality and come closer to dreams, wishes and wants.
In the process we also forget that it is not just us who is dealing with this gap in the image and the real person but our partner may also feel the same about us. Then, without even trying for the second time we start believing that he is not the one. Though I feel that no man is the one. We have to make him the one.
Try out the following simple techniques and see if you notice some changes in your husband's behaviour. These are written from a woman's perspective. (I'll try writing from the other end some other time).
Be Gentle. To a man, a woman symbolizes gentleness, kindness, affection and love. Be gentle to him, to the kids, to servants and to your own self. Don't take things too hard and nor nurture hard feeling for anyone.
Be Kind to His Family and People Around Him. Just the way we women adore our families, men do too. Infact they are even more attached to their families because they feel their family, their parents, younger siblings are their responsibility. So, always and always be kind to his family and his friends.
Be a Pillar of Strength For Him. Erica Jong wrote in her book 'Fear of Flying' - every woman loves a fascist. And I think this is the truest of all things being said about women. We all admire strength and power. And men are no different. Even they like and admire women who epitomize strength - moral, social and physical too. This doesn't mean we have to be a body builder or a person who can let loose abusive words like a rhyming poem. But we should be strong enough to support him whenever he needs it. In times of distress, we should be able to run the family, to provide solid backing to kids and most importantly to stand up for him in public.
Make Him Feel Loved and Wanted. Who doesn't want to be loved and appreciated. My husband puts it so well. He says, 'it's just your opinion that matters to me the most. Your criticism and your appreciation'.
Be an Inspiration. Men always hold respect for women who inspire them in some way. I remember a friend of mine who once said, 'the reason I like you so much is that you inspire me to do better, to behave nicely and to be a better human being'.
Be Loyal. We women need loyalty from our husbands but so do husbands. Infact women can forgive an act of disloyalty but men simply cant't. So, whenever need arises we should make our men realize how faithful and loyal we have been to them.
Be His Confidant. This one is the most important of all. If you are planning to make your husband go head over heels for you then first and foremost become his confider. Men are not good at expressing their feelings. Also they feel expression of love or grief is a weakness and that is the last thing they want to show. So, they always look for a friend or a partner who understands them without letting them feel weak by expressing. Become your husband's best confider. He should be able to discuss his weaknesses, his failures and his inabilities with just the same ease as he discusses his success and accomplishments.
Please let me know what you think of this post. your opinion is important to me. If you like it, please share it or click the like button.
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ReplyDeleteWell said and written Surabhi.. though i am still not part of the league, but still i will say that whatever you have written as a woman's perspective is something which is just not close to but reality.
ReplyDeleteWill be waiting impatiently to read the other perspective too.. keep up the good work. All the best!!
Super Post Surabhi.. Waiting for the other side as well. :)
ReplyDeleteAshutosh.. thanks a lot for the comment. Such compliments only make me motivated to do better next time. I'll soon come up with the other end.
ReplyDeleteNagesh
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot. Will write the post soon. Now that I know people want to read it, I will write it.
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Hi Sandra,
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot for sharing the information.
Hi!
ReplyDeleteWell on points!Women are born with these expectational qualities but indeed she also needs to make partner realize her importance. Otherwise the above said things makes her only giver and then taken as granted.
@Anonymous.. maybe!
ReplyDeleteThis is great information. I really needed to hear. I am glad to find your blog
ReplyDeleteHii,
ReplyDeleteI am sooo glad you liked it. And thanks for stopping by.
Please keep reading and keep commenting.
So when all that great advice fails... than what...
ReplyDeleteHi Jenn,
ReplyDeleteIf all this fails, then I think only one thing remains - stop making efforts and try to live with what and how things are.
well said surabhi,i liked it .but it is not that easy to do for a long time from one side only.we start searching for something in return very soon. don't u think so?
ReplyDeleteRitika..
ReplyDeleteThat is so true. We soon start expecting things in return and thats a sad part of relationships. But if both the partners want something to work, they can make it work.
hi
ReplyDeletethis is an interesting post coz it quoted a guy who divorced his child hood sweet heart and wife of two decades to fall in love with kiran rao!!! and twice over during filming of dhobhi ghat!!(as he publicly admitted) some how we people tend to forgive the public darlings of their misdeeds!!! imagine salman khan who used to beat ash black n blue trying to foster the 'being human' spirit now and the press n india going gaga over it. we need to find ways to look beyond what the spin doctors want us to believe. but this post is good bit of writing with a lot of common sense and hope this refills the cup of joy of atleast a few marriages
Hi,
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by to comment. While I enjoyed reading what you wrote, I would like to add that by quoting Aamir Khan the point was just to focus on how relationships actually grow over a period of time and can be revived. What a person does in his personal life is never a concern for me. I like to leave their personal lives to them while picking up only the best that I can. :)
Interesting... took some tips.. recently married..
ReplyDeleteHey Manjulika.. many many wishes. The initial is like the best and the worst of times :) Hope this article helps you.. let me know.. if it did. Would be more than happy to hear from you.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteHi Surabhi,
ReplyDeleteLoved your blog. Latecomer to this website.Well, better late than never. I agree to most of the areas of this. But here is the thing. My husband is a Mamma s boy. And most of the times his Mom says things to him and creates an idea in him that I dont care for him and she is the one that is true to him.She plans events for us, and makes my husband agree to it and I feel like an unimportant loser in the house. She makes him feel low of me, she finds faults with me. How do I, as a human being, be loving towards her? She just drives me nuts!!!! My husband knows she is mean at times, but NEVER dares to stand up for me. I just want to let her know that I dont need her intrusion in my life all the tim and I am very important to my husband , being his wife and she should not have a problem with it.
Hi San, Thanks for writing to me. I understand what you are going through. And I will answer it in Ask Womanatics section. Just give me a few days time, plz. :)
DeleteGreat, Thanks a lot :)
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ReplyDeleteWhat if he told you that he is not in love with you, but still wants to be with you and wants to or is trying to fall in love with you again?
ReplyDeleteI think the same rules apply then as well. And I would call it a wise thing to try falling in love again. As I believe.. a succesful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
DeleteThanks for the spell I just want who ever is reading this to say a quick thanks to earlierthebetterspelltemple@gmail.com for the spell i got from him which restored my relationship in three days right now i dont what would have happen to me if not for you spell
ReplyDeleteNice pointers Surabhi.
ReplyDelete