Even though each marriage is different in its own ways, there are few simple rules that apply to all the marriages. These rules are the truths that no marriage can escape from.
I have compiled the list of these 10 rules from my own personal experience with marriage and with various other reliable sources.
1. Fun makes a marriage live longer - No matter how hard we ignore the fun but a fun filled marriage definitely lasts longer. Every one wants to be happy and having fun together is an effective way to share some happy moments.
2. Touch is very very important - We may have a tendency to relate touch with sex. But there is another kind of touch – non-sexual touch. And no matter what you relate a touch with it plays an important role in a marriage. A warm hug, a pat for appreciation, a kiss of love, an intimate moment or just a hand shake, a touch says a lot.
3. Similarities form a common bond – It is very important and helpful for a couple to have few similarities. Having a common ground helps to build a firm foundation and it helps in retaining the mutual bond. It comes to rescue in times of adversity. Also having same opinions on few things helps in building a congenial family atmosphere.
4. Differences keep up the spark alive - Just the way having few similarities keep the marriage strong, differences help in igniting the fire. Opposites attract and they still do. Having a different perspective may give rise to conflicts but it also compliments your relationship. One partner’s calmness stabilities other’s impulses. It has helped me a lot in my marriage. While I compliment my husband’s lack of social skills, he shows me directions and slows down my impulsive behaviour.
5. Finances matter a lot – We may brush this off saying our marriage is ‘finance - proof’ but actually no marriage can stay abstain from money. Money is a leading factor in making or breaking a marriage. Even I believe money is not everything but still many things boil down to currency in the end. Money may not get you happiness but lack of it surely gets you sorrows and conflicts.
6. Spouse’s family plays a role too – This may not be relevant in a western setting but in Indian society, in-laws are a ‘big’ entity. Whoever the partner is. For the women, in-laws symbolize confinement, demands and rules; for men they are interfering, misleading and their wives’ first priority! But in-laws are not just for troubles. They also settle down things when you boil over petty issues. So, family is for the good. And to maintain this goodness, be good to them.
7. Tongue is the most lethal weapon – Ask anyone and they will say that the thing they hate the most is what their spouse utters in times of conflict. It is often the harsh words that we speak that do the biggest harm. No wonder, we have always been told, ‘think before you speak’.
8. Taking a break helps – I swear by this. Going away from your spouse for few days helps both of you. You both realize each other’s importance more and appreciate many little things that you otherwise ignore. A break helps in getting some time and space for oneself. Once that is taken care of, you apprise your spouse better.
9. Having conflicts in the early years is actually a good thing – If we have quarrels in the initial years itself, we always feel, ‘if this is how we fight in the first year, what will happen later on’ but we forget that with time and with intelligent conflicts, things only improve. It is good to have arguments in the early years so that you resolve most of the conflicts sooner. But key here is not to have more altercations in early married life, it means resolving the conflicts and understanding each other better in the first years itself.
10. Marriage will work if both of you want it to work – No marriage has ever failed where both the partners wanted it to work. It fails only when either both or one of them gives up on the relationship. If the couple really wants a marriage to be happy, it can be a happy and satisfying marriage.
Add more from your experiences.