How to Deal With Failed Relationships?

Nothing can be more devastating than a relationship that does not materialize and that took years of your time, energy and emotions. You devoted yourself completely to it but it still failed. Now what?

Many people are resilient in nature and move on. But few accept it as a failure of their own and sulk. This gets even harder to come to terms with when your partner leaves you for some silly reason or for someone else. But it is done and you can not undo it. Now what?

Learn from it.

What is a failed relationship?

We can not judge a relationship on its survival. A relationship that survives does not mean it is successful. Success of any relationship depends on the happiness and emotional quotients of the people involved. If you had a good time and saw yourself growing up during the period of the relationship, then it was a success.

A failed relationship is one that does not let you develop; hinders your personal growth; stagnates your life and gives you negative perspectives of things.

Agreed that there are few decisions or relationships that can be called off ‘mistakes’ but it is not necessary that the relationships that have not culminated into marriage are also complete failures. 

Ask yourself few questions – Do I regret having this relationship? Have I learnt anything from it? Did I have some happy, cherish-able moments during that period? The answers to these questions will determine if these are totally failures.  

Just like with every thing else, relationships also have their share of struggles. What matters is how you deal with them.

How to deal with a relationship that has ended?

You must have heard this umpteen number of times – everything happens for a reason.

Similarly, if you were in a relationship there was a reason behind it. Even if it ended on a bitter note, it has given you an experience.

We all should learn from all our experiences and this holds true for relationships as well. We should learn from all the relationships, particularly from the ones that have ended badly.

Everyone hates failure. And it gets worse when the failure gets personal. In that case, you always feel that you have failed in the relationship.

Things may get more depressing than better after the relationship ends. You see your partner moving on and being happy with someone else. But this just reminds you that there is some body who is better than you at something. For eg. Someone is a better listener or more caring or not very demanding. In such cases, many a times you may feel dejected for ever and may believe that you can not get better at it which is just not true.

Dealing with a failed relationship in a healthy and calm manner can help you learn more about yourself and let you discover your true self. It may also bring to your notice, your capacities that you never believed you possessed.

Here is what you can do.

• Learn more about yourself – Instead of blaming yourself or your behaviour for your break up, ask yourself a few questions. Try to understand what caused you to behave like that. Are you too impulsive? Do you become demanding? Are you nagging in nature? Seek the answers and try to control these habits. Start working on them and thank your ex for making you realize this.

• Learn more about your choices – It is not necessary that a relationship ended because you were wrong or your partner was wrong. Sometimes things are just beyond control. Find out your true choice. Do you want to be with a romantic person who bestows you with flowers every evening? If yes, then be prepared to give him your time and undivided attention. If you admire a man who works diligently or is an achiever then get ready for his late office hours. Every thing has a downside as well. Analyse your choices and make appropriate decisions next time.

• Find out your true friends – When your relationship is in full swing, you may ignore and eventually lose many of your close friends. It is only in the trying times that you realize who your real friends are. Find out your true friends and feel grateful for having them in your life.

• Remember, every person has different desires – If your ex did not like your some habit (you are too social or too tight lipped), someone else may highly regard it. Thinking about he wanted you to change as per his wants simply proves that he was being selfish and he did not accept you the way you are. But one person wanted some changes in you does not mean that you, the way you are, are not worthy. You are and you must remember that someone out there likes you and is ready to have you exactly the way you are.

• Do a critical analysis – Finally, you must analyse your relationship critically. Did you behave badly or say hurtful things to your partner? Were any of you abusive? Thinking about it in this manner will help you understand many things that make or break a relationship. 

We all dream of a happily-ever-after love story. We all want our relationships to succeed and give us immense joy. But life does not always go the way we want it to.

But we can always learn from things. Carry on with the good and leave the bad.

Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart – Washington Irwing

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