Ask Womanatics: Problem with In-laws

Hey All,

With today, I am starting a new chapter on Womanatics - Ask Womanatics.

I get lot of queries from my readers each week seeking guidance, advice on something or just needing a empathetic hearing. While I simply love reading those emails, I have now decided to put these questions up on Womanatics as well. Ofcourse, your identity would not be revealed. And I am doing this to gain different perspectives from people. Hope you enjoy these and please keep the emails coming. They keep me going! :)

Today's question is from S.

I want to share my problem with you with a hope that you could help me out. We had love marriage 1and half years back and very happy with each other. the only problem among us is his family. He love his family very much, they are very conservative and rigid. Sometimes they are harsh with me too. I got a lot of luv from my parents and I have never seen such a rude behaviour in my whole life.. It was very difficult for me to handle all this. The only reason for our arguements is his family.

They want that we tell every single thing to them and be a child forever. They called so many times everyday to know every little things. I hate all this behaviour. They are conservative about clothings and all those bindi and chudi rituals too. I live in mumbai
and here no one wears all that. If I say all this to my husband he wont like it. What should I do. Please help me.....

Dear S,

Trust me, almost every Indian woman has felt this at some time or the other. I had similar share of feelings few years ago but later on I decided to work it out and I am so glad it works perfectly right now.

After marriage, a woman joins a new family and every family has different ways and traditions. So, definitely adjusting takes a little time. I understand how they want you to actually behave and groom like a 'bahu' and you may not really like it. But I personally feel, there is no harm in doing few things for others. Like, I am not at all a make-up or jewellery person. But post marriage, I apply bindi, sindoor every single day that too when I dont stay with my in-laws. Why? Because I know my hubby loves it.

If you feel your husband, who loves you a lot, cares for his family's feelings, you should care for his feelings at the priority. Do as he pleases. I decided to join hands with my in-laws because I know it is supreme for my husband. And since then, my hubby only loves and respects me more.. and this is all I want!

Parents belong to a different generation. And this often makes me feel so sad that they wont be there with us in few decades. I am not saying, you go out of your ways to compromise but atleast make attempts to balance it. Go on a vacation and there you can wear shorts and do anything you wish to. Keep taking breaks so that you get your time and space.

Just remember, win their hearts. Once they really love you, they will let you be you! So, take the first step.

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