I recently came accross your blog and I must say your blog is an inspiration.You have written so beautifully about relationships and love and support, but I am facing lot of issues in my personal life.
I am married and have a 5 yrold daughter. I stay with my in-laws and they take care of my baby. I am working. I have an unemployed Sister-in-law (husbands sister) who is 30 yrs old. She doesn't do any work in the house.
I finish all the household chores and go to office. My MIL is against keeping maids. My brother in law also stays with us, he is employed but his income is pretty meagere.
In the recent past i am unable to spend time with my daughter, as there are so many responsibilities on my head. I am unable to handle all this stress. I talked about this to my hubby., but he was like Mom will not allow to keep a maid.
I don't understand how to tackle all this. Also my MIL doesn't take care of my Daughter properly. at times i feel like leaving the job and being at home...but then again i feel i will be trapped in this house.
The house in y hubby's name, and he has taken a loan for this. My FIl g ave around 2lacs for this house, so even he dominates us.
There is lots more surabhi. Can you please help. I am too straightforward and bad at dealing with people. - J
Thanks for writing to me. And sorry for replying a bit late but I decided to write to you in detail. Hence the delay. And yeah, thanks so much for the kind words. They really mean a lot to me!
I read your story and thought aahh.. its the same story everywhere. My sis has a 1.5 yr old son and she has almost a similar problem. Though my life is very different. I will tell you about it later, lets talk about you now.
I am very sorry to read that you work, do household work and have a young baby to take care of. I understand how stressing that can be. This is what I have to say:
1. Speak to your husband - Your hubby is the first person you should talk to. Explain him your issues.Tell him you get very tired by the end of the day and that it affects your married life and your well being. You cant do everything on your own.
2. Speak to your MIL - Tell her you cant work whole day long. You need to hire a maid. Or else, divide the chores. Ask her to divide the chores between the members. You pick the chores that you are comfortable with.
3. Your FIL - How does he dominate you? he is an elderly person and maybe thats why he likes to give his advice. You should politely tell him that you are not convinced by his ways and that you and your hubby have taken a mutual decision, whatever it is.
4. Your SIL and BIL - Why isnt she married? If they are looking for matches for her, you should act like a friend to your sil. Tell her that she should be perfect in household work so that she gets praised in her in-laws family and doesnt act like a fool like you. (Try presenting yourself as a fool, or a lazy bum so that it satisfies their ego). Be her friend. You will get good from her if you are frnds with her. Your BIL earns so thats a plus.
Finally, you have a joint family and thats a boon. Trust me. Else, without your MIL, you wont be able to work with a young baby. And abt taking care of daughter, trust me I sometimes doubt my own mom that she doesnt take care of baby as much as I do. No person can take care of your baby the way you do simply because everyone has his/her own ways.
Also, I believe in the power of husband. Whatever you have to do in house.. put it on your husband's head. Say.. he said it or he decided it. But make sure your hubby trusts you and you have a matured relationship with him. I would suggest you read this article http://www.womanatics.com/2012/03/how-to-find-your-time-and-space-in.html
Feel free to write if you have any more questions.