As you know this is my second question to you. And thank you so much for being there. You are my best friend online :D
You know that I am getting married. My fiance is a very understanding, matured and educated person. We both like each other a lot. He is also very honest and he has told me everything about his family, his life and his past to me. But he does not have any relatinship with any girl. I am the first girl he has talked with. But I have a past. You know about it. Should I tell him about my past? I love my fiance and want the relationship to start from truth. When he tells me about his life, I feel guilty that i am hiding things from him. But i have read your article and everyone tells me I shoudl not tell him. What to do? What if I hide it from him and he finds out later? - A
Hey dearest A,
My answer to this is - NO.
There is absolutely no need to tell him anything. I know and I agree tha you should begin your relationship based on truth. So tell him the truth - the relevant truth.
Things that are not relevant do not matter at all. Read this article again - Why you should not tell your partner about your past.
I dont think he will find out. And if he does, you will be far ahead in your relationship with him and I am sure at that time, these things will not matter for him too. Do not take it as hiding, take it as starting fresh leaving everything behind. If at all, you wish to tell him, just say that you were friends with someone.. but better still, do not tell him.
Men are men. You may think that he would take it rightly but a man who has never had any relationship with anyone will hardly not think about his woman's past.
Again I agree with Surabhi, do not tell him about your past. Men have the tendency to throw your past at your face when faced with unpleasant situations. Moreover I have always believed that the past does not matter, except in the way it molds your thinking. You need to focus on the present and the future. Rama
ReplyDeleteThanks Rama. I will keep this in mind and will keep my mouth shut. - A
DeleteWhat? The advise to hide your past is very disrespectful to your future partner, to yourself and to your relationship. Love is when someone knows who you are and they accept you for that. To hide a relevant truth (which this is no matter what your responder said) means you are not giving him very much credit and you are missing an opportunity to start your marriage off openly and honestly.
ReplyDeleteThis weighs on your conscience because you know may down deep that keeping secrets from your spouse to be is taking away his choice and is disrespectful to him and that would certainly make me feel quilty. If he is your friend and partner then how lonely you will feel knowing there are things you are hiding and can not talk about ever with him.
This will likely come up in the future at which point he will feel betrayed that you kept it from him. If not by you then just because he will feel the need to ask and then you have to either lie or tell the truth.
I firmly believe that open and honest marriages should be the target for anyone and that being open in the beginning is better than later when trust will be damaged.
I seriously don't understand why so many people think it's good to keep these secrets. It just boggles my mind.
Well I agree with Surabhi di..no need to tell anything about past, the reason being it doesn't matter at all, so why to argue on such things which don't have any place in your lives. So chill, make new memories instead !!
ReplyDelete