Ask Womanatics: How to deal with blackmailing

A reader asks - 

Hi Surabhi,

I am very impressed with your sugesstions to other people so here's my story. Please try to reply as soon as possible. 

Actually I was in a relation with a boy for two years and I thought that its true love but may be I was wrong. He was over possessive and always stopped me with everything I did. I was not allowed to wear what I want to and so many things in which he always interrupted. But I was ok with him as I thought that he is going to be my husband so he has the authority to stop me and even I was not allowed to make an account in any social networking site and he promised me that even he'll not do that. 

But few months back I caught him with his more than two accounts on Facebook and before that also I caught him talking to other girls as if he had relationship with them also. And once I read love messages on his phone of another girl and as usual he simply denied that those messages were for him. Once I saw him with another girl on bike and they were sitting very close like a couple. So I decided to leave him and move on and surprisingly I met a boy who shows interest in me and now i'm with him happily but as I said my previous boy friend is continuously blackmailing me that I go back to him or else either he will die or he will come to my home and tell everything to my parents. He is such a sucker and one more thing is that  I have not told anything abt this to my present boy friend and we are soon going to get married with the permission of our parents. Our parents know everything about us. I dont want to loose him bcoz of that my previous relationship. Please help me and suggest how to deal with all these things i'm completely pissed off and don't know what to do. I know that keeping a relationship with the previous guy was the biggest mistake of my life. Please please please help me and kindly keep this confidential. 

Womanatics' answer:

Hey dear, 

Be happy that you left him and moved on in life and I am also glad that you have got someone who keeps you happy and is now marrying you. Do not worry about your ex. He WILL NOT commit suicide. And try to break all ties from him. Does your present boyfriend know anything about him? I would suggest you to completely ignore your ex but then I have a doubt. What if he tries to tell things to your present boyfriend? Then, your present boyfriend would also be hurt. So, my suggestion is - tell it to your parents.

Your parents may get angry at you or may be very upset but you MUST confide in them. Parents are the biggest supporters and if later on your ex tries to create a problem, then your parents can handle it well so first n foremost, tell your parents everything about him. Prticularly tell your father or brother so that if needed, they can threaten him. I am sure he would get scared if you parents talk to him. And then, if you tell it to your parents first, then he cant also threaten you that he would come to your house and reveal it to your family. You can tell him to buzz off as your parents already know everything about you and him. 

Second, I wont suggest you to tell EVERYTHING to your present guy but wht if he comes to know from other pple? from your frnds or your ex boyfriend only? So, it is better to tell him a bit. Say that there is some guy who is troubling you and he is unnecessarily saying that he would spoil your life etc etc.. this way, you can gain your husband's trust and you can be sure that your ex can never threaten you again. because if he is behaving like this now.. what if he blackmails you later after marriage? 

I hope you were not physically involved with him.. if yes, make sure he doesn't have any photos or sms or emails. If yes, then dont tell your present guy. just tell to your parents. But if your ex does not have any proof.. you can tell your hubby as well and deny any affair just say that you were friends and now he is troubling you. BUT you have to take this decision of what to tell your man and how. You know him best so you know his reaction to this. 

Be sane. Be strong. Such things happen to many people. Hope it all gets well. 

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