How much I wish I had a mother-in-law

I get lot of questions about how to deal with mother-in-law, how to find time in a joint family, how to affirm my position in front of mother in law etc. This abbreviation MIL has become a nightmare for many daughter in laws (DIL). Thus, I decided to write a new post on this.

I do not have my in-laws. My husband lost his father when he was 9 yrs old and later lost his mom when he was 13 yrs old. So, many of you would think that good for me in a way as I don’t have to deal with the daily haggles of a dominating mother in law and an idly sitting, interfering father in law! But that is not true.

As a daughter in law, I only know how much I wish my in-laws were alive. I wish they were here to stay with me, to guide me in times of short sightedness and to keep us (my husband’s siblings) bonded together. I also wish my mother-in-law was here to take care of my daughter while I would go to work so that I would not have to worry about leaving my daughter in servant’s or a stranger’s hands. Before I move on to how to better deal with mother in law, I want you to read this and understand their importance in our lives.

I miss her during festivals – I miss my mother-in-law terribly during festivals. I am a traditional woman who loves Indian festivals and rituals, atleast many of them. While these festivals are of significant importance to a woman after her marriage, I could never celebrate them because I had no one who could perform the customs for me. I kept awaiting the shagun ki thalis and Shrimgar ka joda but never received them! I miss her because I know a mother-in-law is an integral part of Indian marriage festivals and in the absence of one, we can not celebrate the festivals truly.

I wish she was here to guide me – Okay, I had my mother by my side always to guide me but I still realize the need of my mother-in-law’s presence. I wish she was here to tell me how to train my baby for potty or how to make her an easy eater. I wish she were here to tell me the small, little things that only experience can tell. Things like what to do to avoid constipation in kids, how to make the kid sleep on time etc. These are easily available on internet, you may say. But I still feel that in those moments, we need a wrinkled hands who would take the entire responsibility on them! I was infinitely attached to my grand mother who passed away last year. She was closer to me than anybody else in the world. So, I know what a blessing it is to have an elderly person at home.

I also miss my MIL as a baby sitter – Grannys make possibly the best baby sitters. I know this because my younger sister also has a 2 yr old son and her mother-in-law stays with her. Though she also complains about the rift between the two but mostly she is thankful that atleast she has her MIL with her who can take gentle care of her son while she is away at work. I am not working at the moment but when I move to Delhi, I would take up some small time job and I am already worried who would take care of Tiya in my absence.

I wish she was here to shower her love on my husband – I love my husband and I would love anyone who truly loves him. And can any of us doubt pure motherly love ever? Many a times when I see him longing for his parents, I so wish they were here to bless him and to hug him.

These are just some of the many times when I miss my mother-in-law and wish she was here with me, even if I had a hard time living with her, I wish she was alive!

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