A lot of people ask me how I get along well with my husband while we are both poles apart as individuals.
Though I also wonder about this sometimes but I very well know how this has been possible.
I would say that the one thing that has made this possible is that we view of differences as compliments. I and my husband are indeed very different from each other as individuals but still we made efforts to work this out and we both are glad that we did. Today, both of us feel that it is better for us to be different persons as this allows us to grow as individuals and lets us gain new perspectives and learn new things in the process.
In my opinion, it is better for a couple to be a little different as individuals and here is why:
- Opposites attract - okay, many of you may not agree with me on this. Or you may say that if there are too many differences then a repulsion may occur. But in my opinion, if two people are too similar, there may be boredom in the marriage. Different personalities mean different choices, different perspectives and while this may be the main cause of conflicts, this is also the key to long lasting charm.
- Differences are new and this leads to growth - with a similar person, you talk about things that are common to you and hence the scope of newness or to learn new things is limited. With a different person, you talk about things that are new to you, you learn about them and this consequently leads to your growth as an individual. I can talk about arts and romance and my hubby can go non-stop on politics and other stuff. Initially it bothered me but now I feel delighted to hear him talk and I feel happy to learn new things about our world. My knowledge base has expanded and my opinions have gained new perspectives.
- It maintains a balance in the family - you attain a balance in a family when you have two different people who are living in harmony with each other. Just like how a weighing balance work. Two weighing pans working in harmony to achieve balance. An impulsive person is calmed down by a composed partner. An introvert is socially engaged by an extrovert spouse. An energetic, enthusiastic person is complimented well by a visionary, long term planner. In my marriage, I am the former - energetic, dynamic and impulsive. And I can well appreciate the calm and composed nature of my spouse. This has worked wonders for us. If I falter anywhere, he supports me and vice versa.
Being different as individuals and being together as a couple is a blessing, if you look at it that way. Just that your values and fundamental nature should not conflict with each other. I found lot of similarities with my husband when it comes to values and morals. We both are simple, kind hearted and honest people. And this keeps us glued beneath while we appear to drift at the surface.
And more than anything else, it requires a positive outlook, an embracing approach that is ready to accept differences and a mindset that is determined to work it out.