I LOVE HIM BUT…
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone
wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything
that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so
you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
I begin with this
quote by Elizabeth Gilbert because it touches the soul essence of love for me.
Love has entered my life more than once and has both left me devastated and in
other circumstance completely enlightened. When we speak of love it generally raises
strong emotions, from the depth of our being, to the surface, bare and raw. Emotions,
such as these, that may have been hidden, suppressed or even deeply buried to
protect us from the pain and grief.
Personally I have realized that it is simply to shield us from the truth
of our ego.
Opening up to the truth of love is not
always easy.
It takes patience,
kindness, longsuffering. There definitely is much joy along the way, yet as Elizabeth says it is a
“mirror” to “show everything that is holding you back.” I find that when
all is good in paradise, with my partner and I, life is pleasant yet my
personal growth is temporarily on hold. I seem to wander through life with rose
colored glasses that cloud what I truly am seeing.
It is when challenges come sneaking into the Eden-like
garden that I have to stop and take a long look. Am I the asp? Is my partner? Blame…who’s to
blame for this issue? What happened to that soul mate that swept into my world
and silently made promises of everlasting bliss? All I can say in answer to
this is that we are no longer looking at each other from the heart but from
that worldly position called Ego.
Your soul mate was sent to bring you fully
into the world
Your soul mate has not been sent to you to deliver you from
this world but to bring you fully into it. To help guide you to being fully
present within your life. To gently, sometimes not so gently, nudge you into
taking a long, strong look at just how frail human nature can be. And no, not
just his but yours as well.
We all go through these rough times but be assured no matter
what the outcome it is our personal growth that is the center of the whirlwind.
It is your choice what the outcome may be. What will you learn from this
encounter with the serpent? What golden nuggets of truth will be uncovered? I
have a fridge magnet that has a man, chin on folded arms, leaning on a brick
wall. The caption reads “No, not another learning experience!!!”
How you handle the
experiences of your relationship is your choice
Yes it is a choice how we handle all the experiences that
come our way within a relationship or outside of one as a matter of fact. There
is one thing I will tell you for certain now that I have had the opportunity to
look back a few years. It is all worth it. Each step of every relationship had
led me to who I am with my current partner today. The same holds true for him
as well. Do we agree on everything? Heck
no! And I would not want to. There is a saying in the business community that
says that if two partners see eye to eye on everything one of them is
redundant. We do not, yet we both do our utmost to practice what the late Stephen
Covey said “Seek first to understand.”
When you can come from the position of having a true desire
to really understand what is going on, from your partner’s point of view,
things, attitudes will definitely change. Whether or not you understand or even
come close, just the desire to do so will soften your heart as it will that of
your partner. No one can truly know all there is to know about another. No
matter how much we would like to think that we do know someone so close to us
we generally lack full perception through no fault of our own. We, as a human individual, just do not have
the capacity of doing so, barring those possessing the skills of a mind reader
or empath.
Before someone cares how much you know they want to know how
much you care. Wouldn’t it be lovely to know that no matter what occurs in a
relationship your partner has your well being in mind? This is something you
nurture not your partner. Your patience will be the mirror of his soul. Your
understanding will be the way in which he looks at you. Soul mates are only two
sides of the same coin; both attached and inseparable but at the same time
generally very different.
Allow those
differences to lighten your heart.
Take a break from judging him as well as yourself. Most of us
react out of this ugly place called fear. There are two base opposites in the
human essence, Fear and Love. All good emotions stem from Love as the negative
ones from Fear. Just like our minds, that can have only one thought at a time, we
can experience only one major emotion at time. You can still be “in love” with
someone yet at the same time be “in the emotion’ of being angry with them. Your
loving feeling, the vibration of love, is replaced with negativity. You still
love them but you just don’t want anything to do with them at that point.
This no different than when a child is pulled back from
almost running into the street in the path of a moving vehicle. The child’s
mother comes to the rescue and pulls the child back. She is immediately
grateful as she hugs the child wildly. Then the wrath is created from the fear
of the immanent loss and the scolding begins. The mother never stopped loving
the child. She stopped the emotion of love for the moment and allowed the fear
to replace it.
Radiate love to
overcome the negativity
Try something different next time you are in fear or anger
or any other negative emotion. Put your arms out and hug that situation or
person and radiate love. You do not even have to physically do so, just in your
mind’s eye. Reach out and “feel the love.” That negativity you have been
feeling will disappear as the darkness does when sunlight is let into a room
that has had a heavy curtain drawn from the window.
We can do the same with our soul mates and bring our worlds
closer to that state of everlasting bliss we are all looking for. Reach out and
love that person in times that are good and bad. Be quick to forgive. Be even
quicker to forget. Always remember, however, we are but just mere humans passing
through this nature. Do your best to allow the mirror that shows up “in your
face” to be just that. A learning devise that brings you closer to the one you
love.
Twitter:
@DrLesleyP
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