A reader asks
Hi Surabhi, I follow your blog with keen interest and my favorite is the part where you answer our problems and here's mine.
I am a 22 year old woman and I've been having a very hard time trying to get myself out of depression since the last two years.I was a happy-go-lucky girl whole of my life and to be honest I've not been able to assess when and how I've slipped into depression.From the last two years no matter whatever I do I fail at that. But its only after I slipped into depression I've started failing at things.Now I am going through a tough phase trying to come out of depression and what bothers me the most is the fact that I myself don't know the reason for what has caused this.And after failing at almost everything that I've done in the last two years this pain has added to the depression and nothing is helping me or motivating me to get out of the depression. To see all my friends moving on with life and being struck at the same place and having no solution in hand is even more irritating.
I don't have any distractions in life and I have a wonderful family and nothing much that I have to worry about.This phase is killing me.I've not taken this depression seriously until I started feeling suicidal some months back.I'd be grateful if you answer my query as soon as possible.Should I discuss with my family or friends? Is it something that I can come out of without anyone's help?
Hi,
Thanks for writing to me and I am so glad you read my blog with interest.
I can relate to what you are going through. It happens to everyone. Each one of us goes through this phase. Just that for some it takes a little longer but the real strength lies in overcoming this traumatic time and emerging out as a winner.
On Womanatics, I have written several articles on beating the depression and coming out as a winner. Please read these. They may help you in dealing with such times.
First, let me tell you that you have amazing English writing skills. I get queries from lot of people. I answer many of them here but some are not answered. And I must say that you have one of the best writing skills I can see in people who reach out to me. So, first and foremost I would suggest you to feel proud of your skills and be ready to make the best out of these.
I am not going to tell you the ways to come out of it, as I have already written several articles on those here and also everyone is going to tell you that.
I would ask you to do just one thing - forget about your depression.
Simply forget that there is anything wrong with you because honestly, I read your question and I couldn't find anything wrong with you, nothing at all.
Just forget it and move with your everyday life. You are just 22. You are too young to take life so seriously that it pushes you into depression. You can talk about it to your family and friends but don't use the term depression. Just forget it.
Trust me it will help. Promise to me that you will not use this term for yourself ever again. If you feel lonely and you wish to discuss it with someone, tell them you dont like anything these days or that you are losing interest in things around you.
And what is it that you have failed in? College exams, job etc are such small things in life. You admit that you have a the most precious gift of a wonderful family and that is more than sufficient. What else does one need in life? Look at me. I had an envious job and I left it without even worrying about my relieving letter. Yeah! I didnt even care to collect my relieving letter when I quit. I just stopped going to office one day.
Don't worry about job etc. Pick up the pieces of your life and make a shape! Only you can do it and you have to do it. If you think you are failing in things you are trying, change the things!
God has sent you to this world and when he did that, he attached a purpose with you. Find that purpose and fulfill that. Go on!
Dear Reader, I know a little about depression and thought of jumping in to add to the excellent feedback that you have already got from Surabhi. Though I have trained as a mental health professional, I quit the "industry" 20 years back as I do not agree with the way "it works." All that I have to offer at this point are from my personal learning as a depression survivor, and I have multiple "certifications," trust me :)
ReplyDeleteFirst off, depression is a good thing. It prevents you from processing stuff that you are not prepared to process. See it as a friend trying to help you get ready for the next phase of your personal growth, your human revolution.
Second, failures are a good thing. They show you what doesn't work. You are perhaps much better qualified now with your failures than many other people.
Third, depression can be caused by a host of factors, not all of which are entirely in our control. Even if it is not something you can overcome on a permanent basis, you can learn to turn it into an ally and function fully with it. Think of it as a kind of pressure valve that helps you deal better with the stresses of life.
Fourth, passion and purpose are good medicine to deal with depression, but for many, they are mysteries. If you cannot identify passion and purpose in your life, just go and latch on to the nearest agency working with the disadvantaged, the disempowered and the disabled. Devoting your time and resources to helping others is often a good way to rise above yourself as well as to answer the eternal question of what is the purpose of life.
Fifth, you are not only a competent writer, but also a reader, as is obvious from your note. Surround yourself with great literature. It is one of the best insurance against hopelessness. It is impossible to stay depressed in the presence of greatness.
Finally, like Surabhi said, try and stop thinking of your situation as a limitation, and just go ahead and do some self advocacy for your strengths and abilities, and see how rich and satisfying life can be.
Keep in mind that life is how you interpret it, and largely a reflection of your inner life state. Determine to be positive and filled with gratitude at all times, and celebrate your being, warts and all, and see how things around you also start changing.
You will be in our prayers. Wish you all success and happiness.
Subho,
DeleteI really think I should delete my answer and paste yours there.You said it so right and in such simple words. I loved what you wrote about depression being a good thing. I agree with every word that you have written here. Failures sure tell you where not to go!
I need to put this comment as a post! :)
Thank you Subhorup for your comment.It helped me look at my situation from a never seen before angle.Never knew depression could be beneficial.As you said life is what you look at and I will try to look at the best I have.
DeleteOMG...I feel that this post is written jus for me today..im so depressed these days...my fiancee has been trying to help me out,but i cant...Same story here surabhi...i left my job in infy suddenly witout even getting d relieving letter,coz i was not happy with d job...i never wanted to work in an IT industry..i had a passion for teaching and i wanted to do my masters degree..al my relatives and my dad were upset when i left my job suddenly.,coz we wer 3 daughters and none of them wer married by then.i was d only wrkng gal.My sis got married by august last yr.I got into a govt col and jus now wen i hav cmplted my first sem,my marriage is fixed.my health condition is also worsened due to travelling 5hrs per day.i hav some health pbms it seems,my eeg are abnormal and i hav been put on medication for 6 months now.,n my parents n my fiancee have told me to discontinue my studies now.im getting married on july. im so much depressed now doing nothing.i feel that i dont have career of my own.i cant continue my studies also..I cnt sleep at nights and each day when i wake up,it starts with depression.and im spoilng d mood of my BF also and im getting angry on my parents..i hope to start doing something for myself soon:)
ReplyDeleteSoundarya,
Deletenow, i dont understand your reason of being depressed. You are getting married to the man you love. There can't be any joy greater than this.
Take care of your health as one's body is one's highest possession. We can discuss your case in detail.. and I hope Subho's reply and my reply would help you and you take things with a better perspective!
OMG! I am going through he same phase myself. Just yesterday, I had been speaking to a close friend at work...and found myself sobbing uncontrollably...I don't even know why.I ran to the loo and cried my heart out. Like you I too go through bouts of depression. I have suicidal thoughts .... but then I think about all the other things too..like who's gonna wear that beautiful kurti that I purchased just last week, and who's gonna read all those amazing books I ordered from flipkart, crossword and god knows where (yeah..I'm a materialistic girl, i know), what about the weekend lunch I had planned with my friends, and most important of all - my Mom. I can't bear to think what she'd have to go through if I ever succumb to such thoughts. Whenever such thoughts hit my mind, I just STOP right there and think about things that make me happy.
ReplyDeleteDear reader, if you have been going through this for a very long time (2 years is a long time) I think you should see a doctor. I have hypothyroidism, and only after it was diagnosed it found out the reason I had been feeling so low and lethargic all the time. Please talk to your loved ones about this. Although I have not said a word to my mom about this because I don't want to scare her (with my suicidal thoughts...). I do speak to my close friends. They truly are a blessing. They help you look at the brighter side of life. Although I can't give great advice like Surabhi, I can tell you that having an "attitude of gratitude" really helps. Be thankful for all the great things in life.. Hope this helps.
Surabhi, I have been a silent reader of your blog for a few months now. It has really helped me get through some tough times. :) Some of your articles are so soothing...like a warm hug from a best friend :). You truly are a gifted writer. I look forward to read new posts everyday. Keep writing.
Hi Surabhi I received your mail while I was busy trying to get my work done in the office.Since then I've been reading this post in bits and pieces.Now as I sit with a glass of water after having dinner and with every sip I take I feel the burden getting off me.Sometimes in life we tend forget being grateful for what we possess like a wonderful family and good health.It also makes me realize that we can get through any kind of pain with a little self analysis.I can't thank you enough for what you have done.Sometimes you just need a listener and thanks for being a patient listener and answering my query.As I type this my dad walks in and talks about how great my career is going to be in the coming years and truly FAMILY is be all and end all for most of us.I feel guilty for being the weak hearted human that I am but I will have to mend my heart and mind and tune it to be strong and its going to take sometime and I'm ready to put in the effort and time.THANK YOU,SURABHI
ReplyDeleteeven i sometimes don't know the reason of my depression....i feel good for a moment and then feel depressed sometimes
ReplyDeleteHello Friend,
ReplyDeleteTo come out of depression a few practical things that you can do are:
1. Wake up each morning with gratitude. Gratitude for being alive, for being healthy, for having a loving family. Create a list and you'll be surprised how fortunate you are.
2. Exercise. Its important to keep yourself active. Get into yoga, gym, walking, running, skipping, dance anything that you feel good doing.
3. Try to meditate. Which means being with yourself and listening to your inner voice.
4. Connect with someone or something that gives you joy. Join a hobby class or get into some personal growth workshop. learn something which takes you away from the routine.
5. Listen to music. it will change your mood in an instant.
6.Eat healthy avoid junk food.
7. Pray and thank the higher power for everything.
8. Never compare yourself or your life with others, its a sure shot recipe for disaster.
Last but not the least, change your thoughts. Yes, the fact is, it's what we think is what we feel. Do not let your mind fool you into believing and living as per its command. Be in charge of your mind, kick the wasteful thoughts and live in the moment. We humans by nature are both creative and destructive. The choice is yours. You can either live your life thinking destructive thoughts or make it beautiful by thinking beautiful thoughts.
Take care and stop looking outside for happiness, its very much within you, you just need to believe in your own power to create the life that you want. Good luck and keep smiling.
Hello PK
DeleteThanks a lot.Sharing my problem here helped me connect to people like you who have solutions for my problem.Would definitely try out these.
PK..
ReplyDeleteYou have summed up the whole thing in this one comment. Thank you! And how have you been? Long time.
See whatever I am going to tell you may seem utter nonsense to you but it always work for me.
ReplyDelete1. Call all your friends: One friend one day for at-least 30 mins. Bore him/her to death, share old memories.
2. Try to meet up with as many as possible. Coffee, shopping, online bhi chalega as long as u can see the face. Seeing a friend's smile does lighten up many.
3. Retail therapy - works equally well on guys and girls. Buy on every failure. Doesnt matter what. Celebrate ur failures. They will look less daunting. However, they are pretty horrible. Agar bahut horrible lage to eat icecream.
4. Plan and convert plan into actions. Thoda bhi achieve karo to tell yourself - wow I have achieved so much.. Lets try for a bit more. Self talking helps.. at times.
5. Whenever you have a sad thought, let it come. Feel completely sad, cry and once its over. Weigh the importance of thing/event/remark/comparison that made you sad and YOUR HAPPINESS. Aise bhi, you will not be able to cry for long.
6. Itna acha likhti ho... write something and share with us.
Waiting for your updates
Ruchi
Hi Ruchi thanks a lot for the help.Meeting old friends does help.Sometimes that important meeting with client doesn't matter when you have so much to catch up with old friends over a coffee.I've been meeting my friends lately and I'm feeling good.
DeleteHi dear. How are you now?
ReplyDelete