Have you ever been in a situation where you know you in a trouble and you have to wait for 12 hours or so to see if you can come out of it? A situation where it is not you but your most loved one who is in trouble? Has it happened to you when someone else does something and you hold yourself responsible for it relentlessly?
I lived it couple of days back! And I can't explain what a traumatic situation it was!
As many of you already know that I am doing my MA in Psychology from IGNOU and I have my second year exams in late third week of December. So this Saturday I was lazily lying on the bed and reading my psychology stuff on laptop while Pahal was sitting right next to me on the bed watching her favorite cartoon show on the TV.
Suddenly out of the blues, Pahal exclaims 'mumma.. see it went inside my stomach!' I thought I didnt hear her clearly so I looked at her and pat she said it again, 'mumma see it is here inside my stomach', pointing to her petite stomach.
I couldn't understand her so asked, 'what went inside?'
'A green color button'
'Button? How come?'
'I ate it just now!'
'But where did you find the button from?'
'I found it from there', she replied pointing towards the pile of her other tiny bit toys lying around on the floor.
'But there was no button in there?' I generally make sure that no micro things like pins, buttons etc lie anywhere around Pahal. I was kind of sure that there was no button around.
'It was here mumma. It was a green color button'
'How did you eat it?'
'With my teeth. See I have so many white teeth.. see..', she said as she opened her mouth wide and pointed to her tiny pearls.
I looked into her mouth and saw absolutely no trace of any button or any green color. And then I looked at the cartoon where two characters were arguing with each other over a small eatable.
I got my answer. Pahal didn't eat any button.
1. She does not put anything in her mouth. Nothing at all.
2. She was right there with me on the bed and I didnt notice any green colo button anywhere
3. She was busy watching cartoon and thus I was sure that she had imagined eating the button
In this whole self-analysis process, I had completely forgotten that button can just not only be eaten, it can also be swallowed!
|The green button that Pahal had swallowed|
Also, I had forgotten that when Pahal first told me that something had gone inside her stomach, I had woken up from my reverie which means that while I sat next to her, I was almost oblivious to her presence.
Still I made her cough once and she coughed clearly. I called up Sanjay and told him everything and he calmly replied 'now, lets wait for her to poop.'
I made Pahal drink a glass of coconut water so that her wind pipe and food pipe clear out and then as time passed and she behaved normal, I began to forget about it. In the evening, on Sanjay's return we talked about it.
Pahal's dad was firm that she had swallowed something for sure as she never says anything bizarre but I was kind of relaxed that she didn't. I had read a post on Swapna's blog where her daughter also claimed she had taken a pin inside but she actually hadn't.
In the meantime, Sanjay continuously maintained that his daughter had indeed swallowed something and I was just laughing at his sillyness for laying so much thrust on a 3 yr old's statement.
Finally next morning, as Pahal pooped, a small green colored button appeared. Right from her tiny stomach that she claimed the button went into.
That small green button proved me wrong! It proved Pahal right. And it indeed proved Sanjay right in believing and placing so much trust in his daughter's blabbering.
With the green button lying in that yellow colored shit, I exhaled a breathe of relief that if something went inside her, it had come out on its own. But the button also brought few revelations and questions for me.
After seeing the button, I was relieved in a way but was also tensed for another. Does this signal that I need to monitor my ways of parenting? Does this mean I am not being a good, watchful mother?
I spent many hours in blaming myself for this nightmare that luckily got averted. I realized that right now, till my daughters turns 8 or so, my main responsibility lies in knowing her, in understanding her.
I compared myself with Sanjay and found myself so belittled and stupid. He, who spends half of the time with Pahal as compared to me, knows her much better than me.
He loves her immensely and truly for he trusts her more unlike me. I had the over confidence in myself that led me to brush off her statement but he, despite all odds, continued to believe that if his daughter, once in 3.5 yrs, said she had eaten something means she had actually eaten something.
This might seem a very trivial incident that we may just guffaw about but for me this is a big lesson of motherhood.
I have learnt to not just listen to my instincts more mindfully but to listen to my child's instincts as well.