I think it was Times of India that had published this small piece, a write-up which had the title of ‘Accommodation Required’. Also I think I was in 11th or 12th standard so it must have been late 90s.
I loved the article so much that I cut it out from the newspaper and secured it my file where I used to keep all important papers and clippings. The cutting must still be there at my Meerut home. I wish I could share it with you but I do not have access to it right now.
Last night, my best friend and I were talking. We talked for more than an hour and we discussed how relieving it is when we do not center all our attention on one single person, be it spouse, parents, kids or anyone else. It is very important to have loved ones in life and to love them truly and whole heartedly but at the same time, it is very important that we keep a check on how dependent we are becoming on them or how dependent they are upon us.
I had such a phase in my life. In the initial few years of my marriage, I was emotionally tied up with Sanjay in every possible way and that only gave us problems and reasons to fight often. I realized eventually, that the reason for this was my extreme emotional dependence upon him. Obviously, he is a human being, a normal being, so if I keep sky-high expectations of him, it is natural that he would not be able to fulfill all those even if he tries his best. He indeed did very well but I could see that it was unnecessarily stressing our relationship and I was also losing touch with myself.
Thus, I decided to create a bit of space in my mind and heart for myself and began to give some space to my spouse.
The moment I did it, things changed drastically and for the better.
Love does not mean confining your loved one and piling up expectations and standards upon him. Love is letting your loved one free.
Love is giving some accommodation to him and to you as well.
Create some accommodation in your heart: Only For Yourself. Have a little nook inside of you that belongs only to you and to no one else.
Do not let away the whole heart to somebody even if you love with the entirety of your heart and soul. Such kind of love only perishes in the long run.
Healthy love isn’t all about the other. It is as much about you as him.
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