You have such a nice blog and I like the way you solve people’s problems. I have a problem too. I can not tell you more about it so I will just tell you in brief.
I love man and he is married. He says he loves me too a lot but he can not marry him as his wife will never leave him. I have tried a lot to get away from him but I can not. Our relationship is very deep. Please help me. And thank you for the email Surabhi. – Anonymous
I can’t tell you how well I can relate with your situation. But baby, you have to stop it right away. It is not going to get you anything and this relationship in itself will not go anywhere. Even 10 years down the line it would be the same as it is now. At the maximum, you can have a baby with him whom he would deny to recognize in public! Before I proceed further I would encourage you to read my article ‘I love a married man’.
I am not going to ask you how it all started because it is totally irrelevant here as he himself proclaims that his wife will never leave him. And why do you or why does he even want his wife to leave him? If he really loves you and wants to be with you, he should talk to his wife about it and come to you.
And yeah! does his wife even know about you? I bet, she doesn’t. So his wife would not leave him is solely his ‘excuse’ to keep you at bay yet in his arms!
What you should do –
Talk to him straight. Ask him to take a decision. Tell him you can not stay unmarried and deeply in love with him. You need a family and a social status too. (I assume you are not contemplating of simply wasting your wife by waiting for him to come to you for your whole life. Are you?)
If he still tries to sweet talk you, talk to his wife. I understand it may be a difficult thing for you and he would never ever allow you to do this but trust me this is the only way out.
You might think what good it would bring to drag her into all this but I firmly believe that every wife would like and has the right to know what her husband does at her back. If my hubby runs an extra marital affair, trust me, I would want to know about it and would be thankful to the person who reveals it to me.
We can not really say what his wife’s reaction would be. It mainly depends on what kind of relationship they have and how much she actually trusts him. But I am sure of one thing – it would give you a direction. What if his wife tells you that he has been philandering ever since they were married? Would you like to be with him even then? What if she readily agrees to leave him? Good for you! And what if she breaks down and tells you to leave him because she loves him a lot too? If this happens, then I feel you should leave him.
The point is, you would know how to get out of it only when you talk to his wife. I again repeat, I know it would be heart breaking for her to know about it but since he puts your future on her decision (whether she leaves him or not), that is the only way out. If you still can not do this, talk to him and based on what he replies, take a strong stand.
Or just move to a different city. New place, new people will certainly help you in overcoming any kind of grief.
Hope this helps.