How are you? I read your blog and I like all your posts very much. For quite sometime I wanted to write to you regarding a problem. I am seeking for an expert advise.
There is a guy in my office who likes me a lot and understands me and my thought process completely. He wants to marry me. I also like him but don’t love him the way he does.It’s just that I want to be with him because no one understands me and my thoughts better than him. So I told my family about him.
My family says that his family background is not good as his father expired when he was very young. In his family, he only has his mother with not much interference of any relatives. According to my family, what if he changes after marriage and starts troubling me. Since he doesn’t have many elders in his family, no one can make him understand things.As far as his education and package is concerned, my family has an issue here as well. We both have same educational background with same package.
My family says that he is not an extra-ordinary guy as far as education and package is concerned too.
As per my family, he can start troubling me for money and all. But I know he is very calm and cooperative guy. I don’t understand how should I make my family understand this.
It’s not that I love him. But I know him for last three years. I never see him smoking, or have never heard of him engaging with people who booze or party a lot.So I feel with him I will be happy.
Besides as my family wanted, I met some boys. I found no boy was concerned about me, my career or expectations. They just wanted a girl who can cook well, go on a 9 to 5 job, keep his parents happy. That’s it. I don’t understand what should I do. Please suggest.
I read your question and while I agree with you that this guy does seem like a nice man, I am also able to understand your parents’ thoughts. They are worried about the control factor. Since it is just his mom in his family, your parents are rightly worried that there would be no one to tell him the rights and wrongs of life to him. If in case, he wants to take up a wrong decision, there would be no one who would control him or press him to turn his decision (we all assume that men hardly listen to their mothers).
Your parents are a bit right in what and how they are thinking but the problem is that they are looking at it from only one angle. They fail to see that things would not change if a man has a father alive and lots of other relatives too but he is too adamant and shows disrespect to others. In this case, having parents and relatives is of no help.
Second, parents generally worry about a bigger family thinking it might make their daughter’s little world uncomfortable. So, going by this logic, smaller the family, the better.
To cite my own husband’s example, he lost both of his parents when he was very young. He did everything on his own. So, sometimes I also get such thoughts that what if he picks up some bad habit in future etc, there is no one who I can complaint to. But then immediately I feel that even if there was someone, would it matter if my husband takes a decision based on others’ orders?!
Suppose your guy has parents and relatives. Would it be nice for you if he does not trouble you for money (as per your parents’ apprehension) just because he knows his parents won’t approve? Or would it be nicer that he does not ask for anything because he is a principled and good human being? The latter ofcourse. And the latter is irrespective of the fact whether he has parents or not.
So, I suggest that you talk to your parents and tell them to pick a man for you based on his inner qualities, the characteristics that make him the kind of man he is. The focus should be more on how he feels about certain issues and how he treats life and family and less on what his life and family is made up of.
Also, such situations and tragedies like early demise of parents, often make a person more responsible, compassionate and sensitive. People who get everything sometimes lose the sense of their importance which does not happen with a person who has faced the lack of something or someone important.
In the mean time, I would also suggest you to go and talk to this man in detail. You said you don’t love him the way he does. Are you sure you want to marry a man you don’t love? Or do you know for sure that he really wants to marry you?
Just go on, be a little more open and talk to this man. Try to understand him more. Talk to your parents in detail. Try to arrange a meeting between both of them. If you are concerned about your parents’ decision, then try to meet his mom and tell your parents about her.
Basically, if you are sure about yourself, you will find a way to convince your parents! 🙂
All the best. I love to hear from my readers. So, keep me updated!
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