I have a sweet revelation to make: I am expecting my second baby!
Many of you already know about it. Especially who have been in touch with me through emails and FB messages. But otherwise, this is the first time I am announcing it on the blog here. So, yeah, this explains my laziness in keeping the blog updated. I am currently running in my 8th month and the baby is expected sometime around January end/February beginning.
I had a traumatic time through the first six months of pregnancy with heavy nausea, vomiting, restlessness, irritability and terrible mood swings. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, puked almost anything that I ate, couldn’t eat most of the things including milk, curd, tea, coffee, paranthas, ghee, lemon, idli-dosa, anything fried, well practically everything. On top of that, usual irritability, tiredness and not-wanting-to-do-anything-at-all added to my pregnancy woes.
But this post isn’t about the pregnancy nausea. It is about the ‘beta-de-bhagwaan’ nausea.
In the last few months, the most common phrase that I have heard for myself in the form of blessings, best wishes and general remarks is – “Beta De Bhagwaan..” and I wonder why everyone wishes for a son for me.
Some cover it up by saying “you already have a daughter so you should have a son too!” while others say “at least one son is needed.”
Really? Is at least one daughter needed too?
Our society has come a long way but we still have a much longer way to go, particularly when sex discrimination is considered. Lets be honest and admit ‘Indians still prefer sons over daughters.’ The current, young generation may rejoice over the birth of daughter but everyone still wishes for a son.
The pressure that the society puts on the expecting mother mounts to an extent that even she begins to wonder “will anyone feel joyous if I bring a daughter?” and this gets worse in the case of second baby.
When my elder daughter was born, I was elated to have a baby girl. More so because my husband always said he wanted a daughter. My relatives were happy too because “it is the first baby. Daughter means goddess Lakshmi.”
But now that I already have a daughter, no one seems to wish for another girl for me, except my daughter herself who wants a younger sister. Sanjay still wants a girl though. And what about me? I am so in love with Pahal that I want a clone of hers. Boy or girl – I don’t care but it should be like Pahal.
Yeah, honestly enough, I secretly know that if I give birth to another girl, then people around me may not exclaim with the same happiness as they would if I bring a boy to the world. This gets me in pressure and I too wish for a boy sometimes. As an expecting mom, the first thing I want is to see happy faces around me when I come out of the labour room. I only want best wishes, joyous messages and happy hugs on the birth of my baby and not sympathetic statements that sound like “better luck next time.”
Problem with this is that now a days it happens in such a silent and subtle manner that while I know this discrimination exists, I still can’t raise my voice against it because whenever I try to do it, it immediately slips under the cover of “boys and girls are equal, which is why since you have a girl, you should have a boy too!”
I wish I could change things in some way. I wish I could be immune to ‘Beta De Bhagwaan..’ statements but that is not possible. I hear them on a regular basis and yes, they do permeate my brains to affect it.
I wish people could keep their wishes to themselves and their blessings too, in case their blessings are skewed. But world never operates on our wishes!
I can go on and on about ranting on this one but during this period of pregnancy, let me stay positive.
I have almost another month to go. Lets see what I am going to have – a boy or a girl. I don’t care personally but I simply want another Pahal in my life.
So you guys wish me good luck! Be with me on this journey of second time motherhood. Stay on here with me.
I will certainly share the news with you all, as and when it comes.
Till then, lets wish together ‘Beti De Bhagwaan..’
I had been through this, and amidst all the “beta de bhagwaan” blessings, I delivered my second daughter. And yes, all the faces around me were “not so happy”. Including my parents. Although they finally said its all good, give a good upbringing to the girls etc. Mine was worse because after all the nausea and pregnancy woes, the granny signs said I was going to have a boy. You know the signs like my color becoming darker, and health not being so good. It was all different from the last pregnancy so everyone thought and convinced me too that its a boy. I will be honest I was a little surprised that it was a girl when doctor told me. And to top it it was a c section. So now when I meet the relatives near and distant ones they say, arey ek aur beti ho gayi woh bhi operation se. Can’t change them. But my daughters are angels and nothing could have been better. Me and my husband are too happy. To have them in our lives. We were always.
Oh God! I can so well imagine your situation. It gets worse when your own parents say – ‘beti toh hai hi.. ab beta hona chahiye’ and when I tell them it is not the right thing to say, they say ‘arey.. we are not discriminating. We only want equality for boy too!’ In fact my bestie gave me a good suggestion. She said, ‘all those who say you should have a boy, you should actually slap them with a girl. You should never try to please such people.’ and sometimes this is what I think – I shouldn’t care about such people at all. So, yeah! I wish for a girl. 🙂
Beautiful write up … it’s so true !!!! I have recently delivered A Second baby girl and heard similar blessing from elders, neighbors and others.. infact i was in tremendous pressure and started wishing for a baby boy mentally.. However, my heart always wanted a girl similar to my first one Anshi.. Anshi also wanted a sister..Amen !!!! it happended as My heart longed for..will wait for your good news .. all the best and have safe delivery ..
Exactly Sharmila. My heart wants a girl but somehow mind says ‘let it be a boy else no one will rejoice.’ I will share my good news here. Another one month to go! Thank you for writing to me. 🙂
Firstly huge congratulations to you. With you a healthy and happy baby. I’m on the same boat – expecting my second one and madly in love with my first daughter. I have been hearing so many comments from family n friends wishing it’s a boy.. Sometimes I feel like slapping them and blaming it on my hormones. ?
Thank you Padma. Haha.. I can imagine your thoughts. You know in my case, I was sure I wanted a girl for the second time too but then everyone said, ‘it should be a boy’ so now I wonder if anyone will feel happy if I bring a daughter and that makes me sad. I don’t want to see sympathetic faces right after coming out of the labour room. But what can we do?
That’s true. I would hate to see sympathetic faces right out of the labour room. However, this may be a start to the change in mindset. When an Indian wins a medal, does the nation proud, brings laurels – No one bothers if it’s a girl or a boy!! All this unnecessary pressure exists only in family circles.
I know!!!! Exactly. After a while the discrimination diminishes or even ceases to exist but still parents insist on having a boy. I wish this mentality changes very soon.
Congratulations!!! May God bless u with a chubby and healthy baby. 🙂 Well I am pregnant with my first and my two sister in law’s are blessed with two girl babies each and in my in-laws are soooo desperate for a boy. 😀 I am trying my best not to let those thoughts put any pressure on me.
Thank you so much Rajalakshmi. Congratulations to you too! Do not get under any pressure and all the very best.
Well written … I’m expecting too and due in May! One never knows what’s inside us yet you can see the expectations of people around you. I feel even if it’s a boy inside and you’re about to deliver soon , he can hear you talk about wanting a girl and vice a versa. Why make him feel unwanted ? My husband and I also used to go on talking about wanting a girl but as the months go by all we and and our family pray for is a “healthy baby”!!!
Wish you also the same dear ??????.
Yeah Sakshe, you have pointed out such a good argument here. Why to make the baby feel unwanted? True. And yeah, as time progresses we all just want a healthy baby. Thats the priority. Boy/girl is all for those who worry about the gender.
Amen ????
Hi Surabhi…
First of all Congratulations…. Wishing you to deliver a cute and healthy baby !! I think Pahal should be super excited 🙂
Regards
Sandhya
Long time Sandhya. Pahal is super excited. So much so that she often asks me – ‘mumma, bring the baby right away’ ha ha ha
Exact situation with me n more than our situations r exactly same n I m also expecting in Jan last or Feb mid week?
One or another person ..on a daily basis use to say kya achcha lagta hai Meetha.. surely u hv a baby boy…beti to hai hi
On top of dat most irritating thing was when one of my colleague asked me “had u gone through gender test..if not u should..i will manage it for u”…pshyco…??…as my daughter is already 9 yr old.
Well wishing u all d best?….may u blessed with a healthy baby..no matter what d gender be?
Oh no! Your colleague is really a psycho. Thank you so much for your wishes. And yeah! Healthy baby is the priority. Gender jaaye bhaad mein.. 😀