Yes, this is it that causes us most of the troubles. Many of us have a tendency to compare ourselves and people around us with others. We do so naturally and forget the most important thing that everyone is unique in his own ways.
Think about it. Can you name two people who you think are identical or same? No, I am not talking about twins here. Name two people who think alike, behave alike and live alike.
You can not because no two people are the same. Everyone is different.
Problems arise when we compare our loved ones with others. We do not realize the grief it causes to them when they learn they are being compared to someone else. Each person maintains his own identity and he loves himself the way he is. If he didn’t he would have changed himself by now.
|Get out of the trap|
But we all do it, unknowingly in our subconscious mind. We all have a perfect picture of ‘somebody’ in our minds and we compare either ourselves or our spouse with that perfect ‘somebody’. You see a couple smiling and laughing together at a party and you compare your marriage with theirs. You see a beautiful woman and you wish you had a skin or a figure like hers.
The comparison starts from anything – cars, house, marriage, happiness, clothes, color of the hair, job, intellect, some talent but it does not end at anything. It is an endless process.
Why Do We Compare?
Comparison ofcourse begins with us. We compare others for primarily two reasons:
1) We are not happy with who we are or who we are with
2) We do not know what we want and thus keep looking at others to try to find our source of happiness by comparing their lives with ours
I remember when I was single I would compare my empty life with everyone around who had a partner. I would look at them, admire them and feel how vacant my life was. After I found my love, I settled down in life and stopped noticing others’ lives. Since then, I have not found the time to even think about somebody else other than my own life. I am too busy to do that.
Someone else occupies your thoughts only when you have a free space in your mind for them. If you are completely happy with your self, you would never find the time and thought to even think about others. Your own life will be your priority.
Same holds good for your spouse. If you are happy with your spouse, you would always feel, ‘my husband is the best’. It is only when you feel a void somewhere in your relationship that you realize the need to take a note of someone outside your marriage.
Another reason for falling in the circle of comparison is – not knowing what you want. When a person does not really know what he wants, he falls for everything!
How To Avoid Comparisons
First and the foremost thing to get out of this dreaded trap is to STOP hankering after others’ lives.
Be content with what you have.
If you are not happy with your life, make changes. Develop new habits and work for a better life. Slow down and find out what is stopping you from having a perfect life.
Find the reasons out and eliminate them. Work for a great life.
Create Something New
Ask yourself, ‘why do you want to be like somebody else?’ Shouldn’t you be a different person? Shouldn’t you aim for a different yet fulfilling life than his?
Do not aim at being someone else. Aim at being someone different, someone new!
Create new life. New thoughts and new mine of happiness.
Take Pride In Your Spouse
Ask any person what s/he wants in her/his spouse and the list would be never ending. But humans have some limitations. They can not be everything and everybody at all times. The sooner we realize this, the lesser disappointments we will have.
Agreed, his wife may be sexier than yours or her husband may be more fun-loving than yours. But yearning after someone else’ qualities would not fetch contentment in your relationships.
Your spouse is yours; part of your life. Take pride in him. When he realizes you hold him in high esteem, he will only love you more. Your spouse definitely has many such qualities that the other person lacks. After all, everyone is unique.
I love what Jonathan Von Goethe once said, ‘If God had wanted me otherwise, he would have created me otherwise..’