As soon as I read this message, I thought to myself, ‘I have felt this way too!’
It is very common for women to judge themselves and feel inferior. We all do it.
I am not good looking enough.
I am not educated enough.
I am not talented enough.
I am not sexy enough.
I am not this, that, xyz, abc enough.
I do not understand why we do so and why we are so hard on ourselves (and on other women) but I know that we do judge ourselves and other women, way too much! We do it unknowingly.
Unwillingly. Unintentionally. But we do it everyday.
I have done it too.
Sadly, I questioned myself repeatedly when I got engaged to my husband.
‘Why did he choose me?’
‘Why didn’t he pick a fellow IAS woman from his academy?’
‘He could have found a much more beautiful girl.. why me?’
‘I wish he would not regret his decision later’ and so on.
Gladly, I questioned him too. ‘Why me? Why not somebody else?’ and the answer he gave me was enough for me to stop poking further questions.
So, dear Reader,
I understand what you are going through and I think I can help you from what I have experienced.
Let me tell you that men do not always want a pretty, hot, sexy woman. They want a beautiful woman and this kind of beauty is more skin deep than obvious.
They want an attractive wife who can stimulate them intellectually. Someone who can provide them stability and emotional security.
They sure desire a woman with a great body, but more importantly, they are attracted to women who have a mind of their own.
Men can go on their knees before a kind woman.
They go weak in front of women who are strong, who can stand up for themselves and others for their rights.
Men may not chase blue-green eyes but eyes that reflect the soul. They like women who are pure, clear and honest.
And fair? Naah!
They want your fairer sense of judgement to prevail more than your fair complexion.
Having said all of the above, I would also like to add that there are all kinds of men (and women) out there. Some may value soul over body while others may not.
Your man seems to be the one who knows what he wants and who accepts you for what you are.
Do not let your inferiorities ruin a splendid love that can shine for decades.
Do not question yourself because your heart believes you have found the right man.
Do not bombard yourself with doubts about your own efficacies and capabilities.
Instead, open your heart to love.
Let his love touch your soul in a way that you will never raise a question about yourself again.
Let your inner radiance reach his mind and soul and then let it reflect in his eyes. You will then find all your answers right there in his eyes.
Please, be a little kind to yourself too! He is a real man who wants a real woman for himself.
This isn’t an illusion.
Accept his love. Decide to work things out so that you two embark on a beautiful journey full of love, kindness, acceptance and happiness.
Finally, ending with my husband’s words –
‘The way you make me smile and put me at peace is what makes you the most beautiful woman in the world.’
Go ahead. Make him smile.
All the best!
I hope you found this post helpful. Please share it and help other women make the best decision for themselves.
Wow….
Wonderful article. Worth reading Surabhi. Even I think the same, when guy has accepted you for the way you are, then you have found a right partner for ur life.. 🙂 all the best girls 🙂 don't be inferior, accept the Truth that you are the Best 🙂
Thanks. Happy to know you liked the article. We women often act very harsh on ourselves and this causes problems sometimes.
Well it happens with guys too. You gave a perfect answer Surabhi! It is really important to clear relationship doubts with the partner and always remember the answer for the rest of your life.
Yes Shilpi.. I believe if we have a doubt then lets ask the man 'why us'. We shouldn't live in self doubt. Thank you for your comment. And true, happens with men too but I think women raise more questions about themselves than men.
Very well said Surabhi….
Ours is a love cum arranged marriage which is obviously dowry less. I used to frequently ask him why did you love me and why you choose me to get married. Inspite of all the matches where the girls are very rich, very beautiful.
The only reply he gives was "You might not be very beautiful, very rich in the society. But for my point of view, you always have the smile on your face, your mind is as pure as the child's mind.. which makes me to come home as soon as I finish my work – to relax, to spend time etc. You are really beautiful to me and my heart. "
So, its not always men look at the beauty or money in the women. They want peace of mind when they comes home.
We should have confidence in ourselves to make ourselves and everyone around us to be happy….
Regards
Sandhya
So true Sandhya.. every man wants a woman who can give him peace, happiness and joy. And beauty does not necessarily do that. Also, beauty has different parameters for different people. To most of us, beauty is skin deep, really.
great article .
I have one doubt , how to find that girl or boy who is kind honest strong .
I thought of proposing a girl ( she was always happy with children's and family members .) but when I asked about marriage type and living style she wanted luxurious life .
her father is officer in govt office and she asked me how much will you earn other than salary .
I was totally disappointed . ( I am working in railways prestigious job)
I felt not to propose ….
I thought of marrying some one who real knows what is difficulty in life .
planned to look for girl in village but when I talked about future plans she told she has plan of living separately.
( my mother and father should not stay with us). she told she can cook and work for me. but not for parents .
I am from recendtial school ( I know cooking , washing cleaning ) now also I clean my room .
I don't want such type of full dependent in me . she should be able to take responsibility.
I don't know how to find persons who is genenue kind hearted .
Yuvaraj
Hi Yuvaraj,
Thanks for writing to me. I understand your situation. You want a girl who prefers family values and duty over materialistic gains. But problem is how can you expect a woman to get attached with your parents from the day 1? How can a young girl commit to serving your parents without even knowing them properly? This is over expectation in my opinion. Women do things for people. For their in-laws but either it is out of compulsion or out of emotional attachment.
Emotional attachment does not come easily. For that, the in-laws also need to accept the daughter-in-law and give her the respect and credit she deserves. This takes time and commitment from both the ends.
Finding the right life partner isn't always easy. But if you are honest with the girl you meet, I am sure you will find the right girl very soon. Get to know her very well before marrying her. I wish you all the best.
thank u ,
ha ha ha did I say she has to understand parents anywhere in comment ?
no , u understood wrongly .
I just wanted to say that without knowing about parents she say she can't be with them .
moreover my parents won't be staying with me , as I may be posted anywhere in Indian . father is state govt employee soo no problem. they can take care of their own .
we never expect her to serve , she is life partner not a worker . that's what I mentioned in comment " even I know cleaning ", she no needs to be cleaning alone if worker is not there .
above all I am more practical , not narrow minded .
thanks for your wishes.
I will inform all the activities happened while searching girl .
🙂 🙂
Keep me posted 🙂