How do I find the right life partner?
The answer to the question of ‘how to find the right partner’ is not only complicated but also partially elusive. I doubt if anyone can give you a clear and concise answer because I doubt if such an answer exists.
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Our Indian society functions in a set pattern. Grihastha Ashram begins at the age of 24! Hence, as per Hinduism, one should ideally get married by the age of 24. So you see where the pressure actually originates from?
But just because you are 28 and your parents are pressing you for marriage doesn’t mean that you should settle down with just anybody who has got a good job, fine education and a well reputed family, even though the traits that I mentioned are the first basic things parents look for in a match and these three, arguably, are one of the best indicators of a good match.
Finding a right life partner is, in my humble opinion, the most important decision one make in his or her lifetime. I do not intend to say that marriage is the ultimate goal of one’s life and that marriage is ‘all’ in a person’s life.
What I propose to say is that marriage is an important component of one’s life. Ofcourse, your life doesn’t end at marriage and nor your marriage is the only most important thing but there is no denying to the fact that marriage is important.
Marriage is very important. And that makes the choice of a life partner very important too!
“A good or right life partner can do wonders to your personality, to your dreams and to your aspirations. While a bad life partner can completely ruin you.”
You may opt for a divorce if you end up with a wrong spouse but a divorce isn’t the perfect solution. It is just a little way out. It helps you in getting away from the person but the emotional and mental scars that a wrong life partner gives stay on for long like stubborn stains.
I am saying this to agree to your point that yes! getting a right life partner is indeed very important.
The question still remains the same – how do we find the right life partner?
In my opinion, the best way to approach this situation is by following the reverse path.
Instead of going by ‘what I want in my partner’, go by ‘what I am sure I do not want in my partner’.
This helps in filtering out the proposals that you are sure won’t work for you.
For example, I was certain I didn’t want to be with a man who treated deprived people un-empathetically and without kindness. During a conversation with a proposal, I asked him if he had ever indulged in a physical fight with anyone. He replied that his friend and he had once slapped an auto wallah for rash driving while these two were on a bike. That incident and I knew he wasn’t the one for me.
We all want an understanding and honest partner. That is a universal truth. But what is it that you are sure you won’t be able to tolerate? Cheating? Unhygienic? Alcoholic? Find these out and filter the proposals.
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Once you are convinced he isn’t any of what you sincerely can’t stand, move on to the positive features.
Find out if he is a secured person in himself. Insecurity of any kinds can wreck any relationship.
Look for a person who is simple. Simplicity is the biggest virtue, I believe. Simple people are not complicated. They are easy to deal with.
The right life partner will help you grow as a person. He/she will take pride in your accomplishments. He/she isn’t jealous or over possessive. A good life partner is a good friend who may not be the best out there or the smartest or the most attractive but he works well with your flaws.
Finally, the definition and parameters of a good life partner differ from person to person. My preferences are different than yours. Once you know what you do not want, know what you truly want.
Focus more on the character and less on the superficial aspects like salary, designation and dressing style.
At the same time, do not completely ignore the financial details. I see lot of families falling apart over the issues of money. If you are used to a luxurious life style and can’t adapt to economic way, find a rich man or arranged your finances beforehand.
If you are like me, who is stimulated by intelligent conversation, watch out for a well-read man and not for a highly educated man. There is a great difference in being well-read and educated.
Looks or appearance has never been important to me. I wanted a presentable partner but that was all about the looks. I know people who want an attractive partner. If you are one of them, do not settle for average looks now and seek beauty outside later. Find an attractive partner.
Finally, right life partner can not be described in absolute terms. What is right for me may be worse for you!
Explore as per your wishes and desires.
“Remember getting a good life partner does not guarantee a good married life. A marriage requires much more than two good people. It requires commitment, honesty, mutual respect and a willingness to make it work.”
But a right life partner is the first step towards a happy married life.
All the best.
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