Why is it so difficult to let go of something or more importantly someone?
I think there are multiple reasons for holding on to people who hurt us continuously but we still cling to them.
The biggest reason is that we become too hopeful about these people.
1. We get too hopeful about others. We constantly hope that would change their attitude towards us; they would love us more in future or their behavior in general would improve
2. We expect situations to change with time without doing anything to change them.
While it is lovely to be optimistic and hopeful about people and life in general, it is disastrous to hold onto some thing negative hoping it to become positive in sometime.
Problem comes when we are not sure of when to let others go. We keep dwindling between ‘its okay’ and ‘this shouldn’t have happened’. We keep waiting for the last string to break and by then we are completely drained.
How to find out if you should hold on or let go
The first sign to tell you that it is high time you let it go is that things have not changed or improved over the last few months.
One may argue what about the cliches that people change; the optimism? The teachings that nothing is impossible and one should never quit?
Drainer (always needs you and contacts you only when he needs you)
Shamer (keeps criticising you)
Discounter (discounts or challenges everything you say)
Gossip (keeps talking about others at their back).
This is a lovely (and helpful) post…almost made me cry! xx
I am guessing the sixth toxic personality type is fault finder. I counted five types that you listed. Some people only look for faults, and given that you try and include a little something for everyone, that must be why you left that one out.
Truly empowering post, Surabhi, yet one that should be applied with prudence, in my opinion. We are all made up of all shades. There are, of course, people who are predominantly one or more of the toxic types, but in this age of instant gratification, 100% satisfaction, and zero tolerance, we sometimes miss the woods for the trees. A significant gift of relationships is to accept and share our vulnerability as human beings, and the first steps of a trusting/loving relationship is being able to see beyond the incompleteness of the other person.
I absolutely agree that if this vulnerability and openness leads to abuse, victimization, and exploitation, that persons needs to go. Period. Loved the closing quote.
Had dropped in to do a check-this-post-out. Got carried away and forgot. So here it is. How to cope with people and change by yours sincerely.
A beautifully well written post dear…I have never believed in holding on a relationship no matter how precious it was for me may be that is the reason i am surrounded by all the loved once 🙂
Also, the one who is yours if you let him or her go if they truly loved you then they will always come back sooner or later 🙂
Anamika..
Yeah! rightly said. Even I don't believe in holding onto relationships.
And yeah! after reading your comment I realized that I could have used that quotation of yours.. 🙂
Subho..
Three things-
Your post was sooo good. I particularly liked the idea how people change and the way you wrote it kind of made it easy to understand that change is indeed inevitable. And it happens because WE change.
Second, I also totally agree with you on what you said about 'we all have shades'. Infact, I didn't deal with that part in my article. Maybe I just didnt think that way. Thanks for bringing that point up.
Third, thank you sooooo much for taking the time out to read the posts and comment on them. It means a lot!
Sound advice. Those people don't change, no matter how much we want them to.
True that!
It is hard to let go of people you have shared good times with.
Agreed. It is not always possible to move on but in order to have a better present, that is what we should try – to avoid contact with ex.