I think it is about expectations. We get upset when our expectations are not met and that can happen with anything. We don’t want to live anymore when we feel our life is not upto our expecatations; we feel cheated on by friends and lovers when we think they did not perform as per our expectations.
All the books, self help blogs etc say that we should not have high expectations from others and while I think I keep least expectations from others which is probably a good reason I have happy relationships with most of my friends, colleagues and others, I fail to follow this with my spouse.
With Sanjay, I have a huge pile of expectations. He fulfills most of them most of the times but he is a human being. He fails sometimes. And this totally drives me crazy. Today is one such time.
Like the title of this post says it starts and ends with me, I tell myself the same! It is not necessary that I have to depend upon him for every need of mine. I should be capable of fulfilling my own needs. That too, when I am an educated, modern, independent woman.
As I write this post and do a bit of introspection, I find out that maybe he didn’t fail, I failed. I failed in keeping myself ‘self-sustained’. I should not need anyone else to make me happy or sad, not even my spouse. That is what I believe in and this is what I try to tell my readers through Womanatics.
I am so happy that while writing this, I feel a new usher of energy and a positivity in me. Last night I was upset, was looking for ways to cheer me up and constant asking me that why I am reacting this way when I know I should not. This happens to me once in a few months. And this showed me that probably my heart and my mind are not in co-ordination and they are well beyond my control.
This has broken my bubble of illusion that I had built around me that I can control my emotions. It is so helpful to know one’s short comings; you can improve them. I am going to work on this and get myself to a state when my happiness and sadness are in my control. And I think half of its already done through this post
This blog lets me write my mind out which is such a relief and you guys have been amazing. Thanks for being there. Even if you don’t read it, I always assume that you all are reading it
Have you also felt when someone very important or rather the most important person failed to meet your expectations? How did you deal with it? I would love to know in comments. Lets talk!
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