Mother-in-law, sister-in-law or even father-in-law have become synonymous to nightmares in today’s times. I often get emails from my readers who complain about their in-laws and particularly mother-in-law and sister-in-law.
I do not have a mum-in-law and I really wish I had my mother-in-law but I have a sister-in-law and a younger brother-in-law, who are like my best friends. I get along very well with both of my siblings in law and I love them a lot. I think it was natural for me to love them as they are really gentle and sweet people and I thank God that I got people like them as my relatives.
It is not that I did not have problems with my in-laws. There was a time when I had issues with them (just a little bit of issues with didi, my sis-in-law) but since the last 3.5 years, it has been going smooth, very smooth so much so that they send me surprise gifts on my birthdays, ask for my opinion for every little thing and share every detail with me. They think they have got the best bhabhi in me but I sincerely feel I have got the best siblings in law.
|Photo Source: here|
Is it really that simple? Are my in-laws the best in the world? Or am I the best? No. The answer to all these is no. There is a secret behind the success of these relationships and you have to read the whole post to figure that out.
In the very beginning of our courtship, Sanjay had told me how much he loves his family. And that actually brought me closer to him. I am very closely attached to my family so I always wanted a man who loved his family too so that he would understand my ties and would respect my feelings for my family and siblings. This could be possible only with a person who loved his family the way I did mine. I believe that men who love their families are generally kind, humane and give more respect to women. I wanted a man just like that.
After our marriage, I had a little bit of issues with my sister in law who was a little upset with the way her brother would always talk about his fiancee. I could sense it. I used to talk to didi regularly before my marriage and she is a wonderful lady. Infact, she made me feel very comfortable in the whole process of marriage and new home, new people and new traditions. But I felt that few things changed after my marriage. She began to stay a little aloof. I couldn’t understand why and Sanjay had no clue either. I did an introspection of things and realized that probably she was afraid to go distant with her brother. After the demise of their parents, Sanjay was and still is like a father figure to his siblings and both of his brother and sister are morally and emotionally dependent upon him.
I wanted a perfect relationship with my in-laws and I knew it. I really wanted to be a part of their families and to make them a part of my family. Thus, I decided to do something about it. I deliberately got closer to her. Simple.
Next time, when Sanjay wanted to buy something for didi, I insisted that I would buy. I would call her to ask her if she needed anything and would send the gift to her. I would call her up every second day to talk to her at length. This took about 6 months but finally we both found our comfort zone with each other. Today, Sanjay talks to his sister for once in a fortnight or so or maybe lesser but I talk to her atleast 3-4 times a week. And I love it. Really. It is the same with my brother in law. Just that with him I never had any problem at all. He is an Aries too like me and we both got along extremely well in the very first meeting itself. Here also, there is a small story attached.
Few months before my marriage, I had won a Rs. 5000 Reebok voucher. The moment I got the voucher, I decided to gift it to my bro-in-law to make him feel special and thought it would make a perfect gift for him on our first meeting. My own siblings were a little startled and sad. Not because they could not utilize the voucher but because they saw their sister getting closer to her in laws and they both expressed it to me. I convinced them that no one could replace them in my life but I had to make extra space in my life for my two new siblings.
I and my brother-in-law went to a Reebok store, it was also our first meeting and I asked him to choose a shoe of his choice. He was so happy to see this and he got all emotional that I had won the voucher as a prize for an article that I had written and I chose him over my sister and brother. Later every one called me to tell how he went around in his friend circle and told every single person about his bhabhi and the gift. He, on the other hand, is a strong support system in my life too. Now that he is married, his wife is now my second sister.
Basically, I wanted a great rapport with both of them and I worked to achieve it. I am sure, they would have worked from their end too to put up with my stupid demands, silly suggestions and starry tantrums. After all, every relationship is two way!
All this while, Sanjay played a very positive role as a fulcrum in establishing a strong link between his family and me. He was always kind to speak good about me to his family and told them that I was very important to him which is why I should be very important to them as well. Similarly, whenever I had any doubts about them, he would explain their thought process to me in detail and that helped me in understanding them better.
So, I think Sanjay is the one who deserves all the accolades. While Sanjay thinks I won their hearts with my efforts and love, I still feel Sanjay handled it all in a very matured manner. Most men lose calm at the very mention of their families and forget that the new family member may have her adjustment problems. Or they would not take the time out to talk to their family members and tell them about his choice of life partner.
When a woman gets married and moves to a new home, she does this only on the assurance of the husband, whom she has left everything for. Thus, it is the duty of the husband to make the transition as easy and smooth as possible.
Also, like I always say, open communication is the key. Whenever in doubt, ask. Talk. Explain. Remember, if you do not get along well with your in-laws, it is not going to help anyone. But if you do, then you will have extra strength. For example, I have four pillars of strength in my life – two of my siblings and two of my siblings in laws.
I will do another post tomorrow to tell you about some tips to ease out any stress or tension in the relationships, but in the meantime if any of you has any question, please feel free to ask.
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