Good to know you are head over heels in love with your partner. He is your world. The main source of your happiness. You are delirious in his love, more so because you know that he loves you too. Great! This all sounds very rosy and happy. Just that there is a caveat here – you might forget who you are and lose your identity while you go round and round in his love.
Falling in love is a mixture of feelings. Your heart goes for a spin, and you feel a rush of happiness, relaxation, and excitement that won’t fade anytime soon. But beware! Amidst all this, you might end up losing your identity. You are completely smitten by your beloved in the initial stages of the relationship – trust me, we have all been there. It’s an intoxicating feeling, and you unconsciously try to mould yourself according to your partner’s vision of you. This can lead to loss of individuality and self-identity. None of us intend for this to happen, but at some point, we develop the desire to please our partner to the extent that we forget who we actually are. The initial stages of my relationship went by so smoothly – I was enjoying my honeymoon phase. But little did I realize that I was becoming somebody who I couldn’t identify with. When my partner began to get critical, it provoked me to rebel because I wanted to be accepted for who I was. That’s when I realized how important it is to be yourself with someone right from the beginning.
Beware, Love Can Blind You
They say that love blinds you. I never believed it, but it sure did in my case. I was so blinded by love that I let my personality fade slowly to a point where I found myself crying, alone and wondering what I had become. Before I got into a relationship, I was this strong, confident, and driven woman. Not that I regret falling in love, but I regret not being myself in the beginning and letting things pile on. It turned me into someone completely different. And what was worse was that I was okay with that! If you are anything like me, the moment you commit yourself to a relationship, all your priorities will shift towards your partner and his desires. While there is nothing wrong in prioritizing someone who is important to you, it’s not okay to submerge yourself into the life of another. I was getting dragged into a scary trap where I was completely losing myself. What haunted me the most was the thought of losing my identity if the relationship ended.
Finding Myself Yet Once Again
I had to find ways to make time for myself – to create my space and do things that I liked to do. I began by mapping out plans for my future, irrespective of my significant other. It may sound impossible but, trust me, you need to do this. This way, you don’t lose your way if things suddenly end, and your focus on your future remains unclouded. We might be in love, but that does not mean we need to share the same interests and hobbies. In my case, I began compromising too much and undermining my desires. But when I started doing things that I loved, my partner did not mind at all. Instead, he appreciated that I was still passionate about what I believed in. There are some things that I would not give up for anyone, and I was angry at myself for doing quite the opposite during the initial stages of our relationship. It is very important to never stop doing what you love because that defines who you are as an individual.
Navigating Through A Suffocating Relationship
If you are making the same mistake as I did by not retaining your identity in your relationship, wake up! Remember the person you were before? No matter how much you love someone, it’s not worth changing yourself for them. Yes, relationships require compromise, patience, adjustments, and all of that. But you don’t need to go out of your way to change everything you believe in because that’s not the person your partner fell in love with. Be yourself, no matter how challenging it is. When I gave up, I lost myself more. I became this dependable, passionless person in a suffocating relationship. However, once I found myself again, I was confident that I would set things right without letting go of my identity. I was ready for rejection, and I assumed things might end this time. But surprisingly, things got better.
If It’s Genuine, It Will Last Through Tough Times
A partner who loves you deeply will never want you to be like anyone else. Do you feel you are trying too hard to impress your partner? Well, things don’t have to be this way. You are wonderful just the way you are, and you don’t need to transform yourself to fit the likes of another. And if at any time you feel like you are not on the same page and it’s time for a change, believe me, it’s ok. It’s better to lose someone who isn’t good for your identity than pretend to be someone you are not. And it applies vice versa – if you expect your partner to accept you the way you are, you should do the same. Let him pursue his hobbies and interests as well. I tried this personally, and we have never been more at peace. We take our time and do things we like to do individually, but we still make time for each other. I revived my relationship just in time, and I know it has only become stronger because my partner stuck along while we both took time to rekindle our hobbies and interests.
By retaining your identity in a relationship, you will find unconditional love. It’s all about accepting the person for who they are and their choices. So appreciate your unique personality while also accepting your partner’s. It’s the best thing ever to be in a relationship that just lets you be.
About Author: This post is contributed by Vineetha Reddy.
Vineetha Reddy is a regular practitioner and adviser of everything related to nutrition, fitness, health, and wellness. She has also begun to write and contribute to sites like StyleCraze.com, Mind Body Green, Elephant Journal and more. Follow her on Twitter for her best ideas and solutions on Twitter