This is a very common and frequent occurrence. And many a times both the partners feel they do not have space and time for themselves. This is common in all relationships.
Having adequate boundaries without being too reclusive makes a relationship healthy and comfortable. But this is a thin line of balance. Maintaining some distance in a relationship does not mean you are losing out on the emotional connect. It just means you are working for yourself and giving yourself some time to connect with your ‘self’.
Understanding One self
In order to complement our partner’s identity and his uniqueness, we need to first identify our own identity and relate to it at a deeper level.
If you are not aware of your own qualities and what makes you unique, it is difficult to appreciate the same in your partner and engage in an ongoing complimenting relationship.
Connecting with one self is critically important for an individual to truly understand and appreciate oneself and the other. If you are well aware of yours and each other’s capabilities, strengths and weaknesses, you can together embark on a fulfilling relation.
Relationships are composed of individuals
Every relationship is composed of two or more individuals. Each individual has his own identity. If they fuse and work without boundaries that identity seems to dissolve and later can create dissatisfaction.
When I got married I had no qualms in being called as Mrs. Kumar. But slowly I realized that I was losing out on my identity. It was more than a year post marriage and I did not do anything for myself. I quit my job, conceived and was running home. But the creative dud inside me shouted for a let out. That’s when I reached out for my personal space. I took out time for activities that interested me and also took up a voluntary assignment with a NGO. On the other hand my hubby who would otherwise complain of not finding time for reading (his favorite hobby) after coming home from office, started reading while I was busy with my hobbies. And I must say it worked wonders for me, him and my relationship.
To make a relationship work, two individuals need to first work on themselves and feel happy from within. If you are able to do things that interest you the most, only then you can willingly do the things that interest your partner.
Too much closeness can worsen things
Many may not agree with me on this but I feel that too much of closeness can create boredom and monotony.
Ofcourse, this does not mean people should not spend a lot of time together, they should and they must but keeping a little time to just yourself or with others apart from your partner adds to the spark.
When you are too close with one person, you do not find time for others and this may lead to a drift away from them. Consequently, your social circle diminishes and for all kinds of needs, you reach out to only your partner. If he does not have time to be with you then or he may not really understand your state of mind you feel left out and ignored.
Also in cases of too much intimacy there are times when you find routine in everything. There is nothing new, different and exciting. This also leads to dullness in a relationship.
Spending time with friends, family and engaging in a hobby do the trick. And even if you do not have anybody to hang out with or an activity to be engaged in, just sit alone for a while and do nothing. Most importantly enjoy doing this nothing.
Time is never the same
In good times we are always head over heels for your partner. But in bad times its just the opposite. Infact if we do not have anybody or anything else to divert our mind we get depressed.
As a preparation for those times, it is better to ask for some personal space in your relationship.
Meet your friends, watch the movies that you love, read books, go for a stroll or do anything that you enjoy even if your husband doesn’t come along or he hates it. That is what having a space means.
You both love each other. He hates some of the things you like and you dislike some of his hobbies. But still both of you manage to find time for those activities and it does not interfere with your married life. It instead adds to your marriage as you both are one couple yet two individuals.