There is something about marriage. Something that makes it so special, intimate yet difficult at times.
First, I believe marriage makes you a divided person. A part of you wants to play selfish, to get the most from it for yourself. While, at the same time, the other part wants you to give to your partner. Give him selflessly, even if it calls for giving a part of your personality.
Then, the marriage acts like an open-ended jail. It liberates you some but also confines you some. And I think the happiness quotient of a marriage is indicated in this ratio of freeing and confining.
Personally, a marriage can be the most soul-satisfying experience of your life or it can be the most devastating. It is like a gamble, you take calculated risks but you don’t know if you will win or lose until you place your bet – especially in the cases where you have never lived with your partner under the same roof before tying the knot.
I don’t know what most marriages look like because every marriage is unique and every marriage is made of a dark, thick shell on the outside. You can’t find out what goes inside of it unless you are one of the two partners involved.
However, I can confidently say that if you have placed the bet on the right number, and if you win the gamble, then the marriage becomes your biggest win ever. This is something I can speak from my experience. But thankfully, it is not vice versa. If you lose the gamble, it doesn’t become your worst loss ever. It is a big loss but not the worst (there are things worse than a divorce or infidelity or broken confidence).
Ironically, the significance of a marriage comes more into play when your partner is away. Like mine is, for the last one week.
I miss him in parts of the day. With kids around and living in the same home it feels he is very much around, yet at times it all feels so vacant. A part of me wants to make the most of the time left with me – watch movies of my choice, cook non-veg food, wake up late, talk endlessly on phone with friends and family but another part refuses to do any of this, simply because it misses him a lot.
Didn’t I say marriage makes you a divided person?