I don’t find myself good at words and expressing myself, but still making an attempt to pen down my story for your blog.
My story is full of twists and I hope you enjoy reading it. This story takes you through the journey of marriage and afterwards.
It is about the time when I was waiting for my PHD completion. I come from a simple family and
I am the eldest child of the family. I completed my PG in Physics, then did B.Ed and M.Ed, qualified NET and later got a good job.
I was now 27 and everyone around me wanted me to get married soon. I was well qualified, others said I was good-looking too but I was not sure about what I wanted in my life partner. One thing I was sure of was that I wanted a happy life and I had and have passion for life.
My father placed an ad in the matrimonial site and we got lots of proposals. There was one proposal from a dentist and my father pursued it. I and the boy got to talk few times and I didn’t find anything negative in him so I said yes to my family.
The only issue was that my relatives kept telling me that the boy is still struggling for a permanent clinic, he doesn’t have financial security and your would-be FIL is money minded person so me and my family were in dilemma.
In the meantime, my parents went to his place and they liked everything. My parents got good welcome at their family and thus officially our phone numbers were exchanged. We started to make our plans together and he told me that he wanted to go abroad for his MDS and I would complete my PhD in the meantime and we would live happily together when he gets back to India.
In this span of about a month, we were working on the dates of our marriage and both the families meet. That is when my FIL demanded dowry and since my family is very against the system of dowry, we immediately cancelled the whole thing. My parents told me about the meeting and the dowry demand and I also gave my decision that I would not marry such a person.
My FIL gave one last chance to my parents to think about it and we gave them our final NO. The boy called me many times but I simply ignored his calls and I was quite mad at him but he still kept calling. One day I thought of picking up his call and telling him that I have decided to break this relation. I received his call and told him what all I had in my heart. It was a very brief conversation and I told him that I didn’t know about his dadd dowry plans and thus I have decided to say no.
I thought it was the end of a chapter but when I disconnected the phone I realized a tear rolled from my eye, I realized the disappointment in his voice too but I was determined to ignore everything. I don’t know what relationship I developed in these one month of chatting on phone.
Like many girls of my age, I too had few chit pit relationships in my past, where I thought I was serious sometimes, few times it was a very strong friendship, sometimes something more than just a friendship, got heartbreaks and left willingly few times but this time it was different feeling. It seemed I lost a good human being – some one who could be my life partner. Anyway I was sure of my decision and pretended to be happy.
A day later, I got a sms in the mid night. It said, ‘if you say yes I can change the whole world for you’.
I swear I was trying to forget the whole thing but this sms made me think again. I was not sure what to do, I didn’t reply the sms and went to college next day. My HOD was a lady in her late 50’s who wanted me to get married to his IITian son but his son was younger to me. She expressed her desire few times but we knew it was not possible in anyway. She was a good friend and mentor of mine. She read my face and asked that what was wrong with me, I told her everything. She advised me to meet the boy once and then take a final call.
I replied to his sms and we decided to meet. He came all the way from Delhi to meet me after making an excuse to his family. I also made a small excuse and we met at our HOD’s place, talked to each other for 2-3 hours and finally decided that we have to convince our families and take charge of our lives. After all, the problem was in our families and their views, we were perfectly compatible with each other. (Or maybe it was love in its beginning).
It took us about a week to convince our parents. Everyone was okay with our decision except my MIL who realized how her son went against her wish and now she thought that she had lost her son to a girl.
We got engaged 3 months later. He opened up a clinic in his aunt’s hospital which was about 100 kms away from my place. We were very happy with each other and we had promised that we will not let any third person come in between us. We were just waiting for our marriage so that we could be together. There were still 6 months to our marriage and as he was near my place, he often came to meet me.
After a while, he realised that his decision of opening a clinic at his aunt’s place was not right and after marriage he would have to leave the place. We decided to shift in Lucknow where our new house was under construction and open a new clinic there. All the money my husband had was spent in opening his first clinic. My FIL assured to give financial help in opening another clinic in Lucknow and my husband has dropped the idea of going abroad as he now wanted his own clinic asap.
6 months later, we got married. Post marriage, we came back to our places – me at my parent’s place and he at his clinic. We both worked hard to save money and in another 6 months when we had saved some money, we moved to Lucknow. We took a flat on rent as our own house was under construction.
I went to college every morning. My husband used to drop and pick me from my college on his college days bike, which was 14 kms away and as it was in interior so no conveyance was available upto the college. He started looking for a suitable place to open a clinic, but the rents were very high and when he approached his father for help, he just got weak response.The money we had was being spent on the finishing of the house, on purchasing the essential goods to live in.
We shifted to our new house in three months, my in-laws came for the home-warming ceremony and left in two days. Now we were in big and beautiful house with nothing inside it. The few things which I bought in last three months including bedding, utensils and gifts of my marriage were with me. Anyway we were happy with each other, sleeping on the floor, getting ready in front of a hand mirror, cooking together, and spending the evenings on exploring the new city on bike.
It was all good for some time, but the tension was increasing day by day …. The question was still the same… where and how to establish the clinic. Though my husband has all the equipments in his old clinic, but even to shift all the set-up, get it upgraded and a new place required few lacs and we were almost at zero balance after one year of our marriage. My in-laws used to talk to my husband everyday but they never asked him that what are his plans regarding his career even when he indirectly told them what problems we are facing, they ignored.
I now understood. Their grudge was that their son married against their choice and he didn’t get enough dowry!!
Another four months passed. It was one and a half years of our marriage, we were still in the same situation. My husband tried everything in between to earn some money, He applied in almost every hospital in Lucknow, did all possible things to get a loan to start clinic, but as our Bank accounts were not functioning from past one and half years, so the banks refused. The situation was getting worse day by day, now frustration was now increasing, but our decision was still the same, not to let any third person come in between us and our problems. For others we were living in Beautiful House, enjoying with each other, our in-laws keep visiting in between and I had a very neutral relationship with them. I did every and every thing a bahu is expected to do but I never felt any attachment with them. I did it all for my husband, for whom I was his whole world.
I saw everything which I never ever thought of in the first two years of our marriage, I still remember the day my husband my went to a hospital approximately 70 kms from our home, with only 100 rupees in his pocket, this was all the cash we had. We waited every month for my salary which was only 18k at that time, and which was all spent on the monthly expenses, petrol, entertaining guests (after all we were from a rich family and we never wanted ki daddy ke relatives kuch bhi jaane kabhi) , filling forms, internet, electricity, maintenance of home and salary of maids etc).
We knew that by curtailing any of these expenses wouldn’t be of any help in opening a clinic, it needed a huge amount of money, as my husband was determined to open one of the best and hi-tech clinics in Lucknow. I was frustrated answering the questions what is your husband doing these days. When are you people giving the good news etc. the biggest tension was that dentistry which is a skill and requires practice, was not being practised for almost two years. I didn’t want to look good at all. My Ph.D. was going on but I was unable to concentrate on it. I required few months leave for data collection of my thesis but I was not in a position to have leave without salary.
One day I was determined to have some solution of the problem, I insisted my husband to open a clinic at our home only as this will require lesser amount of money. It was also in his mind but he was hesitant to say this to father as this required capturing of an empty room of the house which was meant to be rented. I remember I sat in the room, talked to by husband and forced him to call his father at that time only and say that give us that room for opening a clinic and we will pay rent for it. After a long discussion on phone about the pros and cons of opening a clinic at home he agreed. Now we had the space but still no money, my FIL agreed to become a guarantor in taking loan.
My husband happily started working out according to his plans, finally the day came when all his equipments were coming to the clinic. I happily returned from college and was eager to see his dreams coming true, but when I returned there was nothing at home. My husband in a sad voice told me that bank requires at least 50K rupees in our account to give loan to us, and to pay for the equipments. Now the last option was the jewellery I had. I took it out and gave it to my husband to take gold loan. So we took loan to take loan and to start our lives.
My husband started his clinic after two years of our marriage and within a year it was a big hit, there were dental clinics all around my home, but people started recognizing it as the best clinic in the area. I still remember the first 100 rupee note which my husband gave to me; I kept it safe and gave it my MIL. All my sacrifices were worth day when one evening a patient of his stopped me at the gate to praise my husband’s work, he said to me that he has travelled in many metros but has never found a dedicated practitioner like him. It was his practice and dedication of five years practice in Delhi that was reflecting in his work. I was more than happy.
If you have an inspirational story to share, please send it to me at womanatics at gmail dot com. I’d love to hear from you. Who knows your story might solve somebody’s dilemma or inspire someone to move on! So, send in your stories. Do not worry about the writing style. I’ll take care of that and moreover, we at Womanatics, love the idea more than the words.