At times, she tries to copy me by placing a small ‘bindi‘ (she calls it tikli) and poses in front of the mirror. Obviously, her young mind tells her that she looks beautiful too.
While these days I am inflating my ego with her words, I very well understand that with time her compliments will change; their meanings will change.
With time, she will learn to define beauty in her own terms. She would notice the wrinkles on my face and she might find my clothes old fashioned. Then, she may not find me ‘sundan.’
She may still say ‘mumma kitni sundar hai..’ but then sundar to her would mean inner beauty, simplicity, character and substance.
With time the beauty standards would grip her mind. She finds herself pretty right now. She likes her face. She seems to like everything and everyone in her life right now. But as she grows up, she might begin to feel issues with her perfect body. She will find faults in her body and face, like we all women do. She will judge herself and others on beauty parameters.
With this would begin the comparison trap. She would compare herself with her peers and her mom with her mom’s peers. That is how it always happens. I remember finding my mum very good looking when I was young. But as I grew up, I started to suggest her using the anti-ageing creams. This was my way of directing her attention to her sagging skin.
I did so and I felt I was being a responsible daughter. But now, when I am on the verge of starting to walk down the same road, I wish my daughter never learns this responsibility. I wish she finds me the same as she does now at the age of 2.5 yrs.
To tackle this and more so to ‘save’ her from the trauma that the beauty comparison trap would bring her, I am going to teach her that all things mortal but beauty is eternal.
Once beautiful, always beautiful.
My childhood was spent in feeling extremely inferior about my looks. Born in a western UP town that is obsessively obsessed with ‘fair complexion’, there was hardly a day in my life when someone near or distant never commented upon my complexion.
It always began with ‘oh.. so what she is dark, she has nice features’! This was the reason, when Pahal was about to be born, one thing I least wanted was a dark complexion. Not that I think fair is pretty but I know dark is definitely not pretty for this world. I have been through it and
I am very well aware of the effect such a thing has on a woman’s confidence.
With beauty, there is one more thing immortal and we call it love. Love surpasses all boundaries.
Pahal’s dad and my adorable husband did not even take a year to make me believe that I am beautiful. He has titled me as ‘the most beautiful woman’ he has ever met. And I can’t disagree with him. Two most important people in my life find me beautiful and they compliment me so I can certainly live my whole life happily on their words.
As a mother, I am going to give enough compliments to my daughter so that she never needs anyone to tell her she is beautiful. Not even her kids!
She would know it and she would believe it!
I love reading all your posts Surabhi… It makes me feel happy and I connect easily to each of your posts 🙂 I always feel every person in this world is beautiful in their own way only we need to see it. Take Care!!
u r beautiful…..
inner beauty is more important than the outer beauty. outer beauty will fade away swiftly but inner beauty will last forever…..nowadays it's really hard to find ppl who are good at heart…but you my dear are completely beautiful 🙂
Hey Shilpa… thankooooo :-*
aww… thankyou.. but I thought you would call me 'the most beautiful'… 😛
Misha.. thank you so much. I am so glad you stopped by to comment. Hope you keep coming back. 🙂 And you are right.. and maybe thats why I said.. once beautiful, always beautiful.
we all know and believe that u are sundan surabhi 🙂 🙂 i am a bit low today 🙁 and this post made me comfortable. would love to meet pahal and u someday 🙂
aww Sreya.. kya hua..? why are you feeling low? ofc issues? If yes, then just go out for a walk. Chuck the office. I am glad the post could make you feel better and I would LOVE to meet you too!!! 😀
i dont have a career… a college student 🙂 and assignments and projects are making me mad 🙂 thats y a bit low 🙁
Cute post surabhi… 🙂
Hi Surabhi, I want to talk to you so much, I dnt know where and how to start…. I came to know about your blog through one of my friend and I have same story, had to quit job as I moved to a different place with my husband, Life changes after marriage 🙂 and I was upset about it that my career is at risk… and today's post… oh how to express my feelings…. I am going through same issues (dark complexion) since 2 years …. and till today I am upset and feeling low about it… you can say many times in a day, everyday… I was not feeling so with this much intensity before my engagement that I am not beautiful as I have wheatish complexion. but after engagement , many many people from my in laws side have made me feel so, commented on my looks and the story is so big… Thank GOD , My husband is not thinking that beauty is defined by complexion, he believes in inner beauty and loves me a lot…
ohhh… hmm.. college ke dino mein udaas..? na baba na.. you would miss college like anything in future.. 🙂
Hey Kimi.. thank you… 🙂
Hey Purviiii.. Thankyou for stopping by and taking the time to comment. You can talk to me anytime. Just shoot me an email. I always reply. 🙂 and yeah.. marriage is a BIGGG change in life. In-laws always think their son is the best.. hihihi.. but good your hubby loves you for what you are. DOnt worry about the complexion.. its just the mindset.
A mother is most beautiful person in the world.. for heart and from looks too. And for a child a mother is beyond those wrinkle lines and complexion. I am fair but then to I felt I am not good looking, we all have our own issues but at the end only those who are closed to us matter. Ppl vl talk if ur beautiful which means you have attitude… Don't let urself get discouraged what ppl say about they hardly know u.. Picture is amazing, it shows such a beautiful bond btw mother and child
Hey Shikha.. thanks for writing to me. You are so right. A mother is always beautiful 🙂 and this picture is very close to my heart as well. 🙂
Beautiful pic Surabhi and I totally get what you feel. Whenever my daughter tells me and everyone else who is listening that mom is so beautiful, I am happy but I am also wondering – how long do I have before she starts noticing the fine lines, the marks, the not-so-perfect complexion and my eternal battle with bulge. Even though I am not dark, I have also battled with self-image issues for long and still do. Just like you I happen to have a husband who thinks no one is more beautiful than me and that is why I guess they say "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" So stay beautiful just as you are now, FOREVER!
Thank you Swapna.. your comments always make me very happy. And we sail in the same boat na.. 🙂 And the bottom line is – love makes us feel beautiful 😀
Yesterday i read ur blog in IMBB n n0w here.. Even i wz dark c0mplexn bt u wont believe others never criticised abt it my m0m n younger bro wz der always to do dat work i had always bn in tears bc0z of dat c0mplexn matter.. Bt my frndz were supp0rtive n0w my bf he is der 4me everytym he is my strength n0w aftr following islam my beauty reflects n dats damn true.. N i always shukar allah 4 gifting me a man lik him who understands me m0re den me.. Thanku surabhi 2 share abt ur daughter in future i too wud care abt what u said.. M in luv wth ur writing..
Hey Anita, so sad to hear about how you were criticised. I don't think there is anything more hurtful than being ridiculed by your loved ones. But so happy that now your man loves you for what you are. 🙂
I always have had a love – hate relationship wid my mother.. she is sooooo simple and does nt knw anything abt make up and skin care.. i used to always fight wid her that ur nt stylish bt nt anymore coz i knw her simplicity is the only make up she possesses… no matter what she will always be beautiful for me and my best friend 🙂
Nats.. yeah.. thats what I meant. We, with time and age, begin to grow critical of our own looks and our dear ones as well. And this is the cycle that needs to be broken..
What to say!! I am speechless. I can completely connect to this write up. Till my marriage I too never gave a second thought to my wheatish complexion. I was so confident about myself!! Everything changed after marriage. I have heard people saying "naak naksha acha hai.. par color thoda acha hota to.. etc etc " . But my husband stands with me like a pillar and considers me the most beautiful and loves me a lot [:happy:blessed:wink:].
I have a 9 month old baby girl and by any means I will never let the feeling of looks-dark-white-etc set in her. I want her to be confident of herself and be a woman of substance with lots of grace,elegance and virtue. Hope I did not bore you with this long write up 😉
It takes great inner strength to write so frankly.. to admit one's faults.. to share one's heartache… one's fears..
One of your best works!
It takes great inner strength to write so frankly.. to admit one's faults.. to share one's heartache… one's fears..
One of your best works!
That was me.. somehow they published my comment as "unknown"! 🙂
Hi Juhi.. thank you so much for the comment. Means a lot to me! And don't know how it came to be unknown but never mind. 🙂 Very glad you liked the post.
Hi Subrata, so sorry for replying so late. God only knows how I missed out on your comment. Many a times I check comments on mobile and then I decide to reply later when I check again at laptop and that's how I miss out on some comments. I totally know what you mean. Anyone who has been through any kind of inferiority wouldn't let that pass over to his/her children. Thanks for your long comment.. I actually liked it 😀