He is your ex now. And you are or soon going to be in a committed relationship with someone else. And you are facing the most difficult question – to keep in touch with your ex or not?
You want to move on and stay faithful to your spouse or current boy friend but then just the thought of being completely out of touch with him scares you. After all, you had a good time with him and he genuinely cared for you and yes, you also care for him a lot! But then the moment you read his email or send him an email, your conscience or something within you tells you that you didn’t do a right thing. Right?
To keep in touch with ex or not – this is biggest dilemma one faces after the break up.
This is one situation most of us often find ourselves in. Not just with lovers but also with people we left behind (or they left us). There is an urge to keep in touch with them for we want to be assured of their well being and sometimes out of an ego conflict we wish to be updated of whats happening in their lives – who’s the new babe, did he finally marry the girl his parents chose for him, is he having fun after the break up etc etc.
Also many a times, in the world of digitally fast connectivity, it becomes impossible to completely disconnect with people you have networked with. Facebook updates, tweets, blogs, common friends, group emails etc are few things that unknowingly keep bringing the news back to you.
But whatever is the case, a wise thing to do is to let go of your ex and do not try to keep in touch with him. Heres why:
- To actually move on – Moving on does not mean simply break up with your partner for the namesake. It means moving on; finding new purpose in life. Keeping in contact with your ex will not let you let go off the emotional baggage that the relationship left behind. To completely let it go, you have to cut all the ties.
- To be faithful to your current partner – If you are still in talking terms with your ex, this means you have not forgotten him which means you still think about him and that is not done. Being with one person and thinking about other is cheating of one kind. Contacting your ex will bring back several memories that can stop you from giving your best to your present partner. In order to be loyal to your spouse, forget about your ex.
- To do a detailed introspection – Okay, I agree it is not needed once you are out of the relationship but it may not harm anybody and instead will teach you few things. When you are in the pain of a failed relationship, you tend to think of just the good times to make yourself feel better. This feeling good is kind of idealizing the relationship and lets you not learn anything from it. Letting it go helps you in doing a critical re-thinking and learning about what went wrong and why the relationship failed.
- To avoid intimacy – It is very common for people to reconnect with their ex and get physically which is probably the silliest thing to do. But when you meet your ex, who did not give you a hard time, sparks re-ignite leading to physical intimacy. You must avoid this to prevent further damage and more pain. This one time sex with your ex will only lead to more frequent meetings but will not bring him back to you.
- To regain lost self-confidence – If you ask yourself honestly about why you want to be in touch with your ex, you would realize that it is mostly because you think you failed in making a relationship work and that you are a failure. But as your ex starts evading from your daily life, you begin to gain more self respect and become more confident.
While I promote being forgiving and moving on without holding grudges, being friends with ex is something I would never suggest.
It was a relationship that did not work out well. This does not mean it failed. Think of it as an experience and let it go.
Search for the right guy this time and let your ex also hunt the best girl for himself.
(Image Source: Shutterstock)
great article surbhi…!!!
In my opinion, it totally depends on how a relationship ends…. if it ends on a bitter note, it becomes difficult to maintain terms with ur ex…
but if ppl finish of a relationship with mutual agreement, they can maintain some terms atleast, i believe…
everyone faces dis dilemma sumtym in lyf n u have tht into words in a gr8 way..totally agree to abt moving on! keep d gud work 🙂
Hi Nupur..
Thanks for the appreciation. And you are so right. How your relationship ends matters a lot in deciding whether to maintain contact or not..
Tulips..
Thanks for agreeing! Its so nice to pple agreeing to you.. he he he.. keep coming back!
very well written article surabhi. I agree with u in most of the points. However innocent be the communication, it is not the best idea to maintain it in long run.Moving on should be both physically and mentally which is not possible if both are in touch in any way…..At least for me 😉
Yes Jyoti..
I feel so too. not keeping in touch is the best policy for everyone..
I know break up is very painful for everyone either you are a dumped or dumped. Cutting off completely with your ex is a difficult decision to make, not to mention knowing that chapter of your life is over. However, for your best well being and in order to get on with your life, it is a must. Looking back and feeling regretted is not wise to live a happy and healthy life. No one will love you as much as you do to yourself. So, to love and respect yourself, everything else will fall in place. Best of luck for all the broken hearts out there.
Hi Andy.. I agree with you. Though it seems very difficult to break ties off with someone whom you spent a large amount of time with, but it is essential to be able to give your 100% to your present or future relationship. Thanks for writing in here. Hope to see you more often. 🙂
Completely agree with you. No point in looking back or stretching a relationship that didn't work out. I know many cases where keeping in touch have caused unnecessary heartache not only to them but to their current partners as well.
Hi Sumeetha, welcome to Womanatics. Yeah, past is gone and it is better to let it be gone!
Its been a month since I broke up with my EX, the reason: We had a lot of fights, I was some kind of a jealous gf reproaching him about others girls and more attention to me, and he would also reproach to me a lot of things like why I was not mature enough at my age (26) or he also used criticize me for the way I would dress (not sexy or pretty enough for him) the way I make up, hair, etc. It was exhausting for both of us so at some point (of one of our fights) I decided to end for the good ans he accepted with no doubt!
The thing is that he wanted to keep contact because he thinks that it would be good idea to know of each other but I stop him and told him that it would not be possible to be friends, that it was difficult for me..
So we were out of touch but 1 day before one month of the break up, he sent me an email just to ask if he could know how I was doing… I got confused and thought about answering but then I wasn´t sure, so to this day I haven´t reply anything.. I still dont know if I should or just let it go…
I would say.. stay AWAY. You have managed to stay out of touch with him till now.. so dont break it. Dont reply.
Yes I feel it´s the best thing to do.. Because if he really cares or wants to know how am I doing, he could look for other ways instead of an e mail…
Thank you 🙂
hi.. i just came across ur blog vis IMBB and i think the artit of wat will make a poincles that u ahve written are quite good. and yeah thanx for this list of movies.. i surely will make a hem..ching t of watpoint
Yes.. true. SOrry.. dont know how I missed your comment. Thanks for writing to me 🙂
Thanks Bhavna.. 🙂
I've been dating my girl for 5 years and we have just broke up because she told me she likes someone else but she say she still loves me… the next week she left the house and said she needs to find herself??? and i wanted her to be with me by living were i live, forget about her ex's, having a good job and being in a healthy relationship which leads to marriage and kids. but she has been planning to leave me since and when i knew about her plan i gave her space maybe she will come back?? but if she don't then i had to help me find a spell caster to help me bring her back so i did contacted dr.marnish@yahoo.com after 3 days of casting his spell my girlfriend returned back to crying to me that she will never make a step without me again, that she will always love me till death. i am still surprised how dr.marnish did the love spell
Tremeeka from France
Hey Aparna,
I really do not see any use in trynig to convince him. Do you want to get married a person who you coerced into marrying you? Just ask him cleearly. If he has feelings for you and can't marry you because of committment phobia, its a different case. But if he is sure about not marrying you and marrying someone else, I would ask you to move on. There is no use in hanging on to things that can't be yours.
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Dr.Zabaza brought back my lover within 48 hours, And now my lover is back with me treats me with so much lover than ever before. As i am writing this now i am with an engagement ring in my finger right now and our wedding is coming very soon. All these were able to take place because Dr.zabaza whose contact details are zabazalogan@yahoo.com or call him on +2348182620374 came to my rescue, You can also contact him and i promise you that hardship in your relationship will change for good.
My boyfriend keeps in touch all of his ex… I'm not jealous or something, bc I know he loves me, and I am the best thing ever happened to him, but sometimes it makes me insecure. I don't tell him, bc I will seem bitchy, however our communication is pretty good, except this problem. But in this case, I don't know what to do… just bugs the heck out of me. I don't keep in touch non of my exboyfriends, sometimes my last ex text me, how am I doing, that's it, not even want to answer. I don't get it. Men are so different. But he makes me sad with this.
Yeah.. this can be disturbing. I also agree that you may not be jealous of them but when you see your partner banking upon someone else, you feel that maybe you are not good enough or maybe he is not close enough with you.
I think you can just mention it him casually and no, you won't sound bitchy. You are not badmouthing them or something, you are just being honest about how you feel when he talks to them.
Surabhi,
Your article is very necessary in today's modern society. Keeping contact with your ex is the worst possible mistake you can make as it is a sure marriage destroyer. Loyalty means a lot in marriage relationship. Thinking of your ex is a form of emotional infidelity which should be avoided at any cost. Your mind is like your pet and it listens to you. It is you who have to command it to move ahead and live the life you have now got with happiness and satisfaction.Excellent perception and well written.
Yeah, it is all in the mind. If we want, we can get rid of everything and every thought, including the thoughts of our ex.
Agreed. If you are in a relationships being friends with your ex is not a good idea. It is only going to cause problems in your new relationship and make your new boyfriend not trust you. If someone feels they have to hang on to their ex, then they must have some unresolved things they need to take care of first with their ex before moving on.
Agreed Sophia. I also feel its not worth it. You said it so well that it means there are some unresolved issues which need to be taken care of first. Thankyou for writing.. 🙂
I don't think anyone should keep in touch with their ex unnecessarily. If there are circumstances that require you to keep in touch, for example if you own a business together or you have children together, it's different. You need to keep in touch in those situations.