He is your ex now. And you are or soon going to be in a committed relationship with someone else. And you are facing the most difficult question – to keep in touch with your ex or not?
You want to move on and stay faithful to your spouse or current boy friend but then just the thought of being completely out of touch with him scares you. After all, you had a good time with him and he genuinely cared for you and yes, you also care for him a lot! But then the moment you read his email or send him an email, your conscience or something within you tells you that you didn’t do a right thing. Right?
To keep in touch with ex or not – this is biggest dilemma one faces after the break up.
This is one situation most of us often find ourselves in. Not just with lovers but also with people we left behind (or they left us). There is an urge to keep in touch with them for we want to be assured of their well being and sometimes out of an ego conflict we wish to be updated of whats happening in their lives – who’s the new babe, did he finally marry the girl his parents chose for him, is he having fun after the break up etc etc.
Also many a times, in the world of digitally fast connectivity, it becomes impossible to completely disconnect with people you have networked with. Facebook updates, tweets, blogs, common friends, group emails etc are few things that unknowingly keep bringing the news back to you.
But whatever is the case, a wise thing to do is to let go of your ex and do not try to keep in touch with him. Heres why:
- To actually move on – Moving on does not mean simply break up with your partner for the namesake. It means moving on; finding new purpose in life. Keeping in contact with your ex will not let you let go off the emotional baggage that the relationship left behind. To completely let it go, you have to cut all the ties.
- To be faithful to your current partner – If you are still in talking terms with your ex, this means you have not forgotten him which means you still think about him and that is not done. Being with one person and thinking about other is cheating of one kind. Contacting your ex will bring back several memories that can stop you from giving your best to your present partner. In order to be loyal to your spouse, forget about your ex.
- To do a detailed introspection – Okay, I agree it is not needed once you are out of the relationship but it may not harm anybody and instead will teach you few things. When you are in the pain of a failed relationship, you tend to think of just the good times to make yourself feel better. This feeling good is kind of idealizing the relationship and lets you not learn anything from it. Letting it go helps you in doing a critical re-thinking and learning about what went wrong and why the relationship failed.
- To avoid intimacy – It is very common for people to reconnect with their ex and get physically which is probably the silliest thing to do. But when you meet your ex, who did not give you a hard time, sparks re-ignite leading to physical intimacy. You must avoid this to prevent further damage and more pain. This one time sex with your ex will only lead to more frequent meetings but will not bring him back to you.
- To regain lost self-confidence – If you ask yourself honestly about why you want to be in touch with your ex, you would realize that it is mostly because you think you failed in making a relationship work and that you are a failure. But as your ex starts evading from your daily life, you begin to gain more self respect and become more confident.
While I promote being forgiving and moving on without holding grudges, being friends with ex is something I would never suggest.
It was a relationship that did not work out well. This does not mean it failed. Think of it as an experience and let it go.
Search for the right guy this time and let your ex also hunt the best girl for himself.
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