8 years ago I had not imagined that a simple geek looking man would change my world. I hadn’t imagined that even after spending years with him he would still make my heart skip a beat.
8 years ago I wasn’t sure that marriage would be my happiest place.
So much has changed in the last 8 years yet it all feels the same. From a single flighty girl, I am now a mom of two! But one thing remains the same – my belief in love. I still believe love is the most powerful thing in the world. Although the same love changes its course as it breathes more.
In the last 8 years, I have realized that marriage isn’t about finding the right partner or having enough money or being parents to children or staying together or long distance.
It is only about one thing – how much you are ready to invest in it and in yourself.
Every relationship – marriage or relationship with your own self – requires hard work and the more you invest in it, the harder you work for it, the greater are the returns.
Sometime in May 2009, I quit my well paying Business Analyst job with a MNC to move to Andamans with my husband. This was after I finished my MBA from Bradford University, UK.
A month before quitting, I was offered the opportunity to travel to UK for business. I refused to take it up because by then I had decided to get married and live with my would-be husband.
After quitting in 2009, we moved to Andamans. Things sailed smoothly and we were blessed with a baby girl in mid 2010. In the mean time I was shortlisted for Acumen fellowship in USA but I let that go too as I didn’t want to get separated from my family.
In early 2011, the head of HR of a MNC contacted me. I appeared for telephonic interview and he assigned me to an onsite project in Australia. It was a 2 year project. The name ‘Australia’ almost lured me but I again said no to it. I knew my family needed me here more than the company in Australia.
All along this I denied every temptation that intended to take me away from my family. These temptations (and my subsequent rejections) also include an offer to join a strikingly handsome Russian man for a coffee in Moscow.
Do I regret any of this? Yes, I do sometimes. But most of the times I don’t.
Why? Because while I invested my time and emotions in my marriage, I also invested them in my own ‘self.’
I started two blogs. One of them is the reason you are reading this. I pursued Psychology out of my sheer interest in the subject. I qualified NET. I read 100s of books and articles. I got my posts published on several highly reputed online magazines. I learnt the art of dressing up and I made some amazing friends.
There are times of abyss when my husband feels I am losing my mind to silly, petty things and I wish I had continued going out of house to work but there are days of darkness in everyone’s life.
But nothing replaces the joy I feel when I am there for my family. I don’t think I sacrificed anything by giving away these opportunities. I only prioritized my family above everything else. I was lucky I didn’t have the ‘need’ to earn money. Also I was lucky to have a partner who supported me in my personal freedom and growth. I understand things can get challenging for women (and men) who do not have supporting spouses or financial stability. But no matter how tough it gets for you, Do not forget to invest in YOURSELF.
This can be taking up a serious hobby or doing a job you love or rising up in your professional career or simply staying at home and doing experiments with household chores. Whatever you do, enjoy it. Invest in yourself. Do not sideline your own desires for the desires of others. But at the same time, keep your family on the top of priority list.
1. Prioritize your relationships
2. Invest in yourself along with your marriage
3. Focus on your and your partner’s growth
4. Play with each other and not against each other
5. Give each other the gift of quality time
6. Say NO to temptations that intend to take you away from family
7. Respect your partner more than you love him/her
8. Say ‘I love you’ as often as you can
9. Get away from the scene when you are angry and you think your anger can hurt the other person
10. Learn to say sorry and thank you