Our life was like a fairy tale until we decided to extend our family and fearing some medical complications, we consulted a doctor. We took an appointment with a renowned gynecologist of the city who suggested a series of tests for both of us. All reports came out fine except my thyroid.
I had high levels of thyroid and according to the doctor it was impossible to conceive with such high thyroid levels and hence she prescribed Thyronorm for two months.
Two months later, my thyroid was under control and as per the doctor I could now conceive.
We tried but I still couldn’t conceive even after three months and this visited the doctor again who then asked for follicular study from 10th to 15th day of my cycle. It wasn’t easy to leave office everyday for a week during the day for the tests. I made different excuses every day and stayed back at office to complete the assigned tasks.
Our third anniversary marked the beginning of the year of our struggles. According to the doctor my follicular reports were okay but I wasn’t still conceiving. Other than the medical tests, constant questions from family and friends were also equally troubling.
Three more months passed and now the doctor asked for hysterosalpingogram to detect whether my fallopian tubes are open or not. It was a painful procedure and I was not able to walk properly on the whole day. The report there was a blockage in right side and left side was open. I was glad that we hadn’t waited for long!
‘It would take time,’doctor said, adding, ‘you should opt for IUI. Every month I will do your follicular study to find out which side of the tube is ovulating’. The moment she said it I wondered how I would make excuses to leave office for hours but I knew I didn’t have any other option.
Finally after three months I was ovulating on left side. I clearly remember it was April 2014. We both were relaxed. Finally our struggle was coming to an end.
But life is nothing if not uncertain.
One day, I was shedding both – blood and tears.
Inside an office washroom I was bleeding and crying. The months of visiting doctor and undergoing difficult tests – all was in vain.
We had spent more than 18 months in undergoing these tests that technically showed nothing wrong with my body but I was still not able to conceive.
More than that I was also getting hurt psychologically. Now that we were trying to have a baby, not being able to have one was disheartening for me to bear.
I felt unworthy and hurt each time I spotted a pregnant woman. Cutting off from friends and relatives was my way of dealing with this trauma.
In six months, I had six follicular studies, two more IUIs and six episodes of bleeding and crying. There were only two things that supported me – my job and my beloved husband who always said, “you already have one big kid to take care, why do you want second one?” He was trying his best to kill the psycho-me inside me. But that psycho-me was getting stronger day by day. He discussed regarding IVF with my doctor but she suggested it was too early to go for it and that I should keep trying as I was only 27 then.
We were now in the third year of our struggle and my husband discussed my problem with his friend who suggested us to change the doctor and recommended a gynecologist. Though I was mad at my husband for discussing our personal problem with an outsider, I listened to his friend’s advice and visited a new doctor and explained her the whole story of our failure to conceive naturally.
Being an infertility specialist she listened to us patiently and smiled. Her smile was really powerful to remove our tensions. She told us not to worry and to stay positive to get positive results. After meeting her, we got enough courage to resume our struggle in a new mode.
She also repeated the same set of tests, ultrasounds and painful hysterosalpingogram. Hysterosalpingogram report revealed that both my fallopian tubes were open but had pores. She advised to undergo one more IUI next month.
An unavoidable official travel delayed our IUI. After six months we again had a failed IUI. She advised us to not waste time and money in other treatments and referred us for IVF. Even though she suggested IVF, I felt better each time I visited her.
We took three more months to prepare ourselves for IVF mentally, physically and financially. In that period we consulted various IVF specialists, started yoga regularly, saved for IVF procedure. Then the process started in November 2015 with daily visit to the clinic for blood tests, injections and medicines for 10 days till egg retrieval and embryo transfer. I took one week leave from office.
A week later, I tested positive for pregnancy and celebrated our fifth anniversary with lots of hopes and prayers. Finally, our struggle ended and with special care from my husband I had a smooth pregnancy where I until the second last day prior to delivery. In August 2016 I had a c section delivery and delivered a healthy baby girl.
When I held my little princess for the first time I forgot all the pain I had both mentally and physically, all the injections in IVF and my c section stitches. Recently we celebrated sixth anniversary with our angel.
Lessons learnt:
1. Don’t pay attention to outsiders. In our Indian society people are very much interested in others good news. If you are unable to handle/answer them seek your husband’s support.
2. Don’t continue with one doctor for long time if you are not getting any success. It is always better to consult infertility specialists rather than continuing with gynecologists.
3. Don’t let yourself to develop a psycho-you. It won’t give any positive result. It will only destroy your mental health. Develop/encourage a hobby to deal with psycho-you. If both of you are developing psycho-you then go for a counseling.
4. Don’t waste time and money in trials. If you feel something is going wrong then consult your doctor and ask her what’s next. Explore different options provided by advance medical science.
5. Most importantly be positive, you will get positive.
And finally, DO NOT SHY AWAY FROM IVF. Your baby is your baby whether it is IVF or natural. The process doesn’t matter, the baby matters.
Note: This post is contributed by Nikita Mallik
(Pic source: here)
I came across this article at the right time, a day before I am about to start seeing a OB Gyn, trying to conceive. Thank you for sharing your story.
Glad to know that you could feel connected to the story, Sundari, 🙂