The Biggest Mistake We Make In Love

First and foremost, I must apologise for my sudden and long hiatus from the blog. It just happened and my travel made it hard for me to post here regularly. I thought I would update it when I reach Delhi but that never happened. Delhi was way more hectic, busy and crazier than I had imagined. I am back in Andamans now (for one more month) and so back on the blog too!

However, being away from the blog does not mean I am away from my readers. In the last two months, I got several emails from readers and while I would answer them in detail on the blog in Ask Womanatics section, I thought of doing a post on the one mistake around which their questions revolved.

Love is the easiest thing to do and which is why it is so damn easy to fall in love. And it is quite mystifying in nature. Remember how once you are in love, you forget everything else but love itself?

Now, here is the question. If love is so easy, why is life so difficult? Why do relationships seem complicated and particularly the ones that involve love, which apparently means almost all relationships!?

‘Hi Surabhi, my problem is that I can’t forget him. Every night I cry thinking how much I loved him and he left me for no reason.. I have my exams next month but I can’t concentrate on my studies..’

‘Why did God this to me? I loved him with true heart. I do not enjoy my job. I also get angry on my kids and that hurts me more.. they have no role to play in this and still they are being punished..’

‘Surabhi, please help me. What should I do? My parents want me to re-marry but I can’t marry anyone else now. I still miss him.. but I also can’t see my parents in grief. They worry about me and I worry about them..’

The above are just some of the many questions that I got from readers. Do you find something common in them?

I do.

Not just these tender hearts who shared their problems with me, but we all, at one time or another, make this stupid mistake in love. The mistake which turns the easiest love into the toughest love in no time. It is stupid because while we all know we shouldn’t be doing it but we still do it.

When we are love, we are madly in love. We are crazily in love forgetting everything and everyone else and focussing all our energy and emotions on the person we are in love with.

There is nothing wrong with being deeply and passionately in love with someone. Love is the purpose of life. It is the ultimate source of happiness. Numerous scholars and philosophers  stamped the importance of love in life and how love makes world a better place. Love is God’s message and it is the best feeling in the world.

What’s wrong is how we behave when we are in love!

There is nothing wrong if it is only your boyfriend or husband who you think of each morning. It is perfectly alright to call him up first to share any piece of news. Taking good care of him is also quite commendable. What is not desirable is to not call anyone else after you call him up and talk to him. What makes matters worse is to remain sad for the entire day if he didn’t answer your first call in the morning.

You are his wife (or girlfriend) so behave like one. Don’t be his pet who lingers around him for no good reason and then become dependent upon his pat.

We women are emotional beings. We are more emotional and tender than men and there is no denying to this. I don’t consider emotions as a weakness. It is good to be emotional. It is wise to be expressive and it is wonderful to understand one’s and others’ emotions. But life does not end here. There is much more to life than these emotions. There are emotions of your siblings who want to spend good time with you. You need to think of your kids’ emotions too who just want to see you smiling at them. Your inner self also has some unsaid emotions that reflect in your deep rooted ambitions of becoming a painter, singer, dancer or a writer!

Converging all your attention on one single person means you have taken away your focus from other pillars of life – and this is what accounts for the biggest mistake in love.

It is natural to make your husband the most important person of life but it is foolish to make him the only important person is life and to make him more important than your own self.

You can’t love anyone unless you love yourself. So, if your love means making frequent calls to the loved one, then you should make frequent calls to your own self too. If you happen to a possessive person when in love, then first be possessive of yourself as well and don’t let yourself go unworthy.

Your husband (or boyfriend) maybe your best friend and that is a lovely news. But do not ignore other friends. Spend good time with your friends regularly.

If you have a hobby, DO NOT let it go waste just because you now have a new hobby of loving and thinking about your man. While the latter is indeed euphoric, the previous one is invigoratingly relaxing. If you do not have a hobby, develop one, right now!

Be sincere in your duties, whatever they are. If you are working, do it mindfully. If you are a mom, love your kids without any distractions. If you are lonely and alone, make the best use of that time by meditating. Whatever you do, do it with diligence and sincerity.

Love is easy. Keep it that way. Do not complicate things because you have not anything else interesting to do right now.

Be positive. Wear a smile. Love is just one of the many pillars our life is built upon. If one pillar falls down, we need to give extra strength to the rest to lift life up.

Love is indeed beautiful. I am an ardent believer in love. I also made these mistakes and suffered heart ache for no good reason. Only after few years of soaking in grief and helplessness I learnt that love is what we make of it.

Make it your strength or your weakness. It depends upon you!