The more respect you give, the more respect you get.
Maslow’s theory is a proof of it. According to his pyramid of needs, the need of respect is much higher than the need of shelter, safety and social needs like love and friends.
Here is the question – when it is so important to all of us as an individual, why don’t we work on it in our marriage? Why do we stay adamant on receiving our dose of respect but fail to give an ounce of it to our equally deserving partner?
Why do we take respect for the partner as granted?
The answer is – we get so entwined with our egos, self image and self portrayal that we forget about giving. And respect begins with giving.
1. I need to deserve respect
2. I need a partner who knows how to be respectful towards others. Luckily, I had the number 2 and I worked on having number 1.
I am often asked if I regret quitting my job. My staple reply to this is ‘I miss my job at times but I do not regret quitting it ever.‘
Honestly, I do not even miss my job. I miss working outside home. I miss those huge glass buildings that carry a corporate world of their own. Chattering with colleagues. Having tea in office. Working on an issue and rejoicing when it gets solved. I miss the atmosphere of my job more than the job itself.
Do I ever plan to get back to it? NO. And I am very certain about it. Why? Because there is nothing that a job outside my home will give me that I do not have with me right now! Okay, leave aside the money. But since when has money been the driving point for job anyway?
We all go out to work to earn respect in society. To gain regards from people around us. I am lucky to get the same amount of respect at home. In the very interior comforts of my home. From my husband. From my parents. From siblings and also from my tiny tot.
Yes, there are times when I fumble to answer when someone asks me, ‘what do you do?’ I stammer and wonder if I should say ‘blogger’ or a ‘housewife’. I mostly go with the latter just to avoid any further discussion on ‘my job’ and that is because people who do not know what I do – their opinions do not matter to me. I do not have to spend half of my day away from home to earn some points from such people.
Or maybe I get enough scoop of respect from the people who are close to me that I do not care what the rest think about me or my life.
Maya Angelou once said, ‘people may forget what you said to them or what you did to them but they will never forget how you made them feel.’
I believe we never forget how someone makes us feel. A kind word of appreciation goes much farther than any expensive gift.
Mutual respect is the core of any relationship. By respecting your partner, you make him feel valued. You make him feel appreciated and well deserved. And he will never forget this.
Forget gifts. Forget singing ‘I Love You’ twice a day. Forget hugging and cuddling.
If you want your relationship to be healthy and happy – start respecting your partner now!
You feel he or she doesn’t respect you? You begin to show your respect towards him or her now.
The first step towards getting respect is to start giving it right away.
Be more polite. Gentler. Kinder. Use soft words. Scream less. Hold hands more.
Say the following more often:
‘You are better than everyone else’
‘I respect you for who you are’
‘You did your best and that is more important’
‘I truly appreciate your kind intentions and efforts’
‘You aren’t alone in this. I am with you’
Do NOT do the following:
Question your partner in public
Scream at your partner in open
Do NOT ever make fun of his job or her talent in front of others.
Be more sympathetic towards his or her vulnerabilities.
Always support your partner, especially in front of others. This will give tremendous boost to their confidence.
Do NOT hurl insulting words in rage. Words can’t be taken back once uttered and words are the most powerful tool.
Love is not all that we need. We all need respect especially from the ones who are closest to us because they are the ones who have the power to hurt and heal us.