And this is where the problem is.
Indian moms fail to take proper care of themselves. They take their own selves for granted. They worry endlessly for their kids’ health but do not take notice of their own ailing health. They go the extra mile to feed their kids but do not bother to take the minimum required nutrition for their aging bodies.
Indian moms do not look after themselves very well.
I am an Indian mom too and with time I can see myself slipping into the same shoes as my mom.
According to a WHO report, India is among the worst hit nations by depression. As per the report, Indian women are more prone to depression than men.
The reason I am talking about this right after mother’s day is because most of my readers are mothers and if we, the fellow Indian moms, improve upon this aspect, we will create a better place for everyone, including our kids.
Our moms gave up everything for us – their jobs, dreams, health, friends and much more. They created a small, little world for us that included their kids, husband and immediate family.
After being married at a young age, Indian moms do not have much to hope for in the first place. Especially in the earlier times of strong patriarchal practices where women were meant for indoor household chores.
Following their mothers’ footsteps, our moms created their destiny around their families and refused to look beyond the close circle of kids, husband and immediate family. This not only limited their exposure to the outside world, it also made them emotionally dependent upon their kids and husband.
Once the kids are grown up, the moms do realize what they have left behind and try to make an identity of their own but by then it either gets too late or they give up too soon.
Result is – Almost all Indian moms give themselves away to their families.
This all sounds well until the kids stay at home. When the kids leave for college or work, the moms have a hard time to deal with Empty Nest Syndrome.
In some cases, moms become over possessive about their kids and this results in the horror stories of mother-in-laws!
What makes the same doting Indian moms the worst mother-in-laws?
It is this over doing of love, sacrifices, care, giving up their own identity and being over possessive about their kids.
Ask any husband and he will tell you the same stories of love, late night cooking of his favorite dish, keeping his clothes clean and in order, taking pains to keep his life going and unconditional support, as any daughter will narrate.
Then what makes the same mother a ‘bad’ or ‘too interfering’ mother-in-law?
Even as a daughter of a loving Indian mom, I sometimes find my own mother too prying at times. A slight mention of an argument gets her worked up and she calls me ten times a day to find out if I have patched up with my husband. More than the argument itself, her multiple calls give me the headache.
Why is it that as age progresses, Indian moms tend to become more anxious and stressed?
The over dependence on kids. The need to be there for kids even if they don’t need her. The anxiety of not believing that some other woman can take care of her child better than her!
If Indian moms learn to keep a piece of their personality intact
If Indian moms learn to say a bit of ‘no’ to others and to their own kids
If Indian moms learn to let go of things easily
If Indian moms learn to trust other women when it comes to their kids
If Indian moms treat themselves with more care, love and dignity