Question. We already have a 4 yr old baby. I am the one who takes care of the baby full time. I have no other help in terms of servant or a helping hand at home. Even if I had, I won’t have been happy to leave the baby to the maid. But I hardly get time for myself and I feel my baby also feels a little lonely. Should I go for second child? What about the weight gain again? And how do I deal with two kids and re-start my life again after 5 yrs? Please help.
Answer. Dear Readers,
I couldn’t answer these questions at a better time than this. I have myself been battling with this dilemma for over half a year now.
Every parent has a unique style of parenting, just like you and me. You may be good at showering material gifts upon your baby, I may be good at teaching her the ethics. You may be awesome at taking best care of the child while I am a lazy mum and can do lot of cheating when it comes to cooking and playing with the baby.
But with all the parents, one thing is common – parents love their child and any kind of discomfort hurts them.
In my case, what hurts me the most is when my daughter asks me innocently – ‘who should I play with? You are on your laptop and papa is busy with phone?’ The moment she questions us, we both melt and jump up to play with her but soon we are back to our desks again. We can not keep up with her energy level for more than 15 mins!
It hurts me to see that my child, even though she has a stay-at-home mum, feels lonely at times and she seeks company of other children. Thankfully we live in a campus that has many children and she gets the company but still she has to go to somebody else’s house or call other children to her home.
Pained by her childish misery, I often decide to take the leap of having a second child. But immediately the realities of having two young children at home begin to haunt me. How would I go back to being a working woman again? Will we manage the finances? What about my endless travel plans? Who will deal with the extra chores at home with two children? The list is endless.
Problems are many but the benefits are few.
BUT despite the initial chaos a new baby would cause and the next two years of constant busy-ness, I am now ready to have a second baby.
I am thinking (seriously!) about a second child. Simply because I hope I will have more time for myself in the future with two babies playing with each other. Also, I have siblings and I know what a huge support siblings can be for one another. I want Pahal to have that kind of support.
 |
| Some awesome times of celebrations |
Also in Sanjay I find a very supportive life partner. Not only he takes good care of me, I am assured that he will do his best to help me with whatever he can. I am a happily married woman and another baby would add to the happiness.
In addition to this, I know my limitations as a mother. I can not be physically engaged with Pahal in her games; I am not too good at playing girl-ish games with her; I am a mom who needs her share of ‘me time’, no matter what! Basically, I can not provide her the company she desires and deserves.
Finance is one aspect I need to sort out before I take the plunge. I have been blogging more regularly lately and I am also looking for part-time options. As soon as my finances are sorted, I will go for a second baby.
 |
| Sharing a laugh with my sister |
 |
| Look alike – with my brother |
What to do when you are prepared with the above but your child feels the need of a sibling?
1. Take care of the above first. It is best to provide a conducive, healthy environment to your baby so try to resolve the issues before his/her arrival.
2. If your baby is not very keen on second child, then you can be the company. I know families that do very well in terms of bringing up their own single child and they do it wonderfully well. Be that example and if you can not give him company of children, act like a child yourself.
3. Take some more time to think about it and act only when you are sure of it. It would be utterly insane if you repent your decision of having a second baby after he/she is born. So make up your mind well before the arrival and once the baby is here, devote yourself unconditionally to him/her.
I have answered a similar question here as well.
Hope this helps. All the best.
Read These Too:
10 Lessons of Life To Learn From ‘Dear Zindagi’
As An 8 Yr Old, THIS IS HOW I Fought Against Sexual Abuse
10 Heart Warming Reasons To Be Proud Of India
Here Is Why An Attractive (and Well Settled) Man Marries An Average Looking Girl
5 Things That Make Us Happy, 5 Things That Don’t and 5 Things That Temporarily Make Us Happy
In today's world we need to think twice before having a baby or for another baby. We may face difficulties on terms of financial or lack of time but when will grow old our children will be their to help and support us.I think 2 children completes a family. As I have 2 siblings I prefer my children should also get that kind of love and care from their siblings….
True that Shilpa. I also have two siblings and I would want Pahal to feel the support siblings can be. But as you said, times have changed. Basically I feel it depends upon the parenting style. Some parents are active enough to act as playmates for their children while some lazy bums like me.. they just can't move.. 😀
Today's world is marked by phones, computers, tv and the like. You just have to see people everywhere and they are all on their phones. The lack of face to face communication is worrying. I am one of 5 children in my family (we are all grown up). I was baby no. 5 as my brother came out first ( I am a twin). My parents did not know they were having twins. So they had 5 children under the age of 10. They moved from one city to another when I was 6 weeks old. My mother had no phone, no car, and no family support. My dad was away for work every third week. It was'nt easy but they managed to do it.
So I question how parents these days have difficulty with more than one baby. I have three children and found when I had one child that I wondered how much time I had with no children. When child two came along I realised I had a lot of time with one child. I was a hands on dad and enjoyed interacting with our children. I found that it was easy to talk to my children when I was playing with them, particularly when they were teenagers and more inclined to just grunt than talk to you. We had, and still do, have a great relationship with our children and would do it all again.
Be there for for them, spend qualitative and quantitative time with them as you won't get it again. Being an absent parent means there is less credibility in disciplining them as you have not been around to guide them.
I could keep writing but I need to draw breath. Happy to discuss further if people want to take it further.
Hi Geoff, So sorry I missed your comment. I don't know how! You are very right.. it is about spending time with the children and interacting with them. I also sometimes wonder how our parents never questioned or complained about 'the number of children' they had and how we do not even want to go for a second one for lack of time.
Maybe you can contribute a post on your experience with four siblings or on how you have managed to have a loving relationship with your children in today's technology afflicted times.