Question. We already have a 4 yr old baby. I am the one who takes care of the baby full time. I have no other help in terms of servant or a helping hand at home. Even if I had, I won’t have been happy to leave the baby to the maid. But I hardly get time for myself and I feel my baby also feels a little lonely. Should I go for second child? What about the weight gain again? And how do I deal with two kids and re-start my life again after 5 yrs? Please help.
Answer. Dear Readers,
I couldn’t answer these questions at a better time than this. I have myself been battling with this dilemma for over half a year now.
Every parent has a unique style of parenting, just like you and me. You may be good at showering material gifts upon your baby, I may be good at teaching her the ethics. You may be awesome at taking best care of the child while I am a lazy mum and can do lot of cheating when it comes to cooking and playing with the baby.
But with all the parents, one thing is common – parents love their child and any kind of discomfort hurts them.
In my case, what hurts me the most is when my daughter asks me innocently – ‘who should I play with? You are on your laptop and papa is busy with phone?’ The moment she questions us, we both melt and jump up to play with her but soon we are back to our desks again. We can not keep up with her energy level for more than 15 mins!
It hurts me to see that my child, even though she has a stay-at-home mum, feels lonely at times and she seeks company of other children. Thankfully we live in a campus that has many children and she gets the company but still she has to go to somebody else’s house or call other children to her home.
Pained by her childish misery, I often decide to take the leap of having a second child. But immediately the realities of having two young children at home begin to haunt me. How would I go back to being a working woman again? Will we manage the finances? What about my endless travel plans? Who will deal with the extra chores at home with two children? The list is endless.
Problems are many but the benefits are few.
BUT despite the initial chaos a new baby would cause and the next two years of constant busy-ness, I am now ready to have a second baby.
I am thinking (seriously!) about a second child. Simply because I hope I will have more time for myself in the future with two babies playing with each other. Also, I have siblings and I know what a huge support siblings can be for one another. I want Pahal to have that kind of support.
Also in Sanjay I find a very supportive life partner. Not only he takes good care of me, I am assured that he will do his best to help me with whatever he can. I am a happily married woman and another baby would add to the happiness.
In addition to this, I know my limitations as a mother. I can not be physically engaged with Pahal in her games; I am not too good at playing girl-ish games with her; I am a mom who needs her share of ‘me time’, no matter what! Basically, I can not provide her the company she desires and deserves.
Finance is one aspect I need to sort out before I take the plunge. I have been blogging more regularly lately and I am also looking for part-time options. As soon as my finances are sorted, I will go for a second baby.
|Sharing a laugh with my sister|
|Look alike – with my brother|
What to do when you are prepared with the above but your child feels the need of a sibling?
1. Take care of the above first. It is best to provide a conducive, healthy environment to your baby so try to resolve the issues before his/her arrival.
2. If your baby is not very keen on second child, then you can be the company. I know families that do very well in terms of bringing up their own single child and they do it wonderfully well. Be that example and if you can not give him company of children, act like a child yourself.
3. Take some more time to think about it and act only when you are sure of it. It would be utterly insane if you repent your decision of having a second baby after he/she is born. So make up your mind well before the arrival and once the baby is here, devote yourself unconditionally to him/her.
I have answered a similar question here as well.
Hope this helps. All the best.