‘You complete me..’
This probably sounds like the most romantic thing your partner may have said to you. It definitely feels good when someone tells us that we complete them. I, certainly, feel elated at the very thought of being at center of somebody’s life.
Now, look a bit more deeply. This sentence of three words may sound more intense and powerful than the famous three-word line of ‘I love you’ but actually while the latter talks about a genuine affection, the former is about being dependent.
When someone says ‘you complete me’, it means they are incomplete without you which means they need you to be a complete person which eventually leads to the conclusion that without you, the person can not grow. And it is not wise to be with a such person or to be that person himself. This is the very basic of problems in relationships be it friendship, love or marriage.
One person needs the other for his own needs. He needs her to fill some gap that he has in life or to act as a band aid to heal some wound he has got. The question here is whether such need based relationships are fulfilling for lifetime? If you are in a person’s life for a particular purpose, to fill a gap or to heal a wound, do you think your relationship is actually about mutual love, promise and growth or just about one person’s needs and other person’s giving habit? What happens when your partner suddenly changes his purpose or his wound is healed? He would throw you away like a used band aid.
There are many relationships that become successful after starting on the note of a need based friendship.
But not everyone looks into things deeply. And then there are some basic needs of human beings. If you are satisfying those basic needs, good enough. But if you are there for demands like – he needs me because he has low confidence and I boost up his morale; he wants to marry me because I am nice to his family; he loves me because I lent him my shoulder when his ex ditched me etc, you need to watch out for yourself.
Such relationships fall flat after a while. Many a times the giver realizes that she is there only to give and now she is tired of ‘doing‘ and wants things to be done for her. Or many a times the receiver feels that his purpose is fulfilled, he has moved on his last break up or now he has realized that he needs a bride for himself and not his family.
Every relationship and every human being has some innate needs. You must fulfill those. The need to be loved, talked about, feel wanted, touched and many others.
To be in a successful relationship, one should try to meet these needs and be there for each other to let them feel loved and grow!